The feeling of never being good enough

 Feeling like you're not good enough is a common experience that many people go through at some point in their lives. Here are some things that may help you cope with this feeling:

Recognize that it's normal: Remember that feeling like you're not good enough is a common human experience. You're not alone in this.

Challenge negative self-talk: Notice when you're engaging in negative self-talk and try to challenge those thoughts with more positive and realistic ones. For example, instead of thinking "I'm not good enough," try thinking "I'm doing the best I can."

Set realistic expectations: Set goals that are challenging but achievable. Break them down into smaller, manageable steps so that you can see progress over time.

Focus on your strengths: Identify your strengths and focus on them. This can help you build confidence and feel more positive about yourself.

Seek support: Talk to someone you trust, such as a friend, family member, or mental health professional. Sometimes, just talking about your feelings can help you feel better.

Remember, feeling like you're not good enough doesn't mean that you're not capable or deserving of success. With patience, persistence, and self-compassion, you can overcome these feelings and achieve your goals.

Abandonment feeling by family

The abandoned feeling comes from many different ways and family is included. It is like my mother only cares about my little brothers accomplishments. 

I graduated college and got my certificate she only tells me she's proud of me but my brother graduates and she's posting it all over Facebook. I just don't get it. 

They never come to see me, it is always me to go see them. They never ask me how I am, they don't even talk to me unless it's someone dies. They don't come see their grandkids it's me always taking them to see them. 

It's like I don't even matter to them. They don't care about me until something major happens to me and then they probably won't care then. 

It's the alone feeling I get the feeling of abandonment. The feeling of none of my accomplishments matter to them. 

Most days I feel like I am dying and I never even bother telling them. No point in it. Every time I come around it's like job and work and everyone else tells things that they are doing but no one cares about me it feels like and it sucks. They act like I haven't been looking for work or jobs but with my health no one will hire me.

They were right, people pick and choose who there favorites are, I guess that is the reason I'm the black sheep of the family.

 When I get my degree, I'm not even going to bother telling them. When I buy my first home, I'm not even gonna bother telling them, no point in it. 

They rather hang out with my old friend from high school and her parents instead of me so be it.

I didn't realize that when I grew up, I would be alone... 

We would get made fun of and threatened if we did wrong, we got made fun of from our weight in which it isn't our fault. Growing up wasn't the greatest, I would stick to myself and not bother, pretend I wasn't there stayed in my room cause I didn't feel like I was welcomed...

They would never take us to the beach, they would always drop us off at our aunts so they could go to the beach with my fathers parents every year for my parents anniversary but claim they would take us. My bother went to the beaches and other trips with his friends.

 I went to the beach back in like 2017 for the first time before I got married. They never took us anywhere really. We never went to the zoo, never went to Carowinds or an amusement park, it was we never really went anywhere and it sucks, we never spent time with them at all. The first time ever I went to Carowinds was on a school field trip in middle school and that was it. 

I don't have any trips with family to remember, I don't have time with family to cherish all I have is sadness and misery due to they never really done anything with us.

 It is like I missed out while others were able to go out and have fun and go to different places and now, that I am older, I want to take my kids out and I want to show them things I never got to do. 

So I am becoming the person that I needed when I was growing up. 

Also want you to know, that abandonment feeling will never go away. The feeling of being alone will never go away. Does not matter if you're married, have friends, or have a partner, you will just have to cope with it and find away because no matter how many people there are around you, you will always feel alone. 

You are never alone with me. I love you! 

https://ko-fi.com/post/Abandonment-feeling-by-family-N4N2H4MWE

Period depression

  No one talks about period depression. No one tells you how bad it is and how bad it can get. 

No one talks about the worthless feeling you have and the hopeless feelings that comes with it.

 No one talks about the pain nor how bad a person can suffer in silence and pretend that everything is okay when it's not. 

Nothing feels okay. Sleeping during the day and staying awake all night. The worrying, the stress, panic attacks the anexity.

 The pressure of having to hide how you feel and having to keep it together. No one talks about this.

 No one talks about the mental health you struggle with while trying to live. While trying to keep it all together. 

It all hits the worst at night while your body is trying to relax. 

A lot of people suffers from this and so much more. I am included on this. 

It's okay not to be okay... We will get through this. 

Depression

 Depression can be so bad that no one can notice until it is to late. You wouldn't know if someone is suffering from depression unless someone tell you. Depressed people such as myself can pretty much mask it and pretend everything is okay when it's totally not and no one will ever know unless they are around you for long periods of time.

 People don't realize that depression can come from just about anything in life from the way a person lives, jobs, not reaching goals and dreams, and pretty much anything that doesn't make the person happy. It could even be the people around you that has brought you down and made you not believe in yourself or they reached their goals and brag about it. 

It is more than just sadness. It is anger that is built up inside from feeling like you have failed and failed so many times and you feel like your not going to make it and you don't want to make it anymore you just want everything to end since you feel like a failure. It's not eating much, not showering, not cleaning, not doing anything you enjoy just laying in bed all day feeling worthless.

Depression is real and it sucks. I say this because one minute your fine and happy the next your sad and depressed trying to figure out what went wrong and over thinking the whole thing causing so much issues that it's just crushing you and you feel yourself lost and wondering. 

It can get to the point of you feeling so along that you just want to end it. You feel like nothing good is going to happen but good things do happen you just have to hang on and be hopeful.

People don't understand. They only start to worry when you go missing and not returning the calls and not there anymore. That's when they start to worry. 

Check on your friends. Most of us are not okay and only saying we are while battling depression so no one worries.

Applying to job after job after job trying to make better of the life we leave but only getting shut down and no call backs and no interviews. Don't give up, it will all come together eventually you just have to hold on.

Loving someone but they treat you so horribly, telling you one thing but lying the next and you whole heartily love them and want to be with them but they only use you until you feel like you are nothing and worthless.

Trying to open up to friends and family but they don't care. They tell you it's life and get over it until one day your over life and no longer here is when they ask why didn't they talk to me or us? Why did they do it? Why did they leave us? But when you tried to talk to them they shoved you off.

Ways to help this is remove negative people in your life. The ones that are always shooting you down and not believing in you. You have to believe in yourself sometimes and give yourself the support that you need cause people out here are not your friends and only want what they can get from you and it doesn't matter how you feel or what you tell them. You have to burn a bridge and careful of the company you keep. Don't tell everyone everything cause they will use it against you.

Give yourself a mental break and take a break from everything that's troubling you and rest. Self care and love is the best of care and love. 

And if you don't feel loved. I love you.

Mentally drained, physically drained

 Ever feel like your alone? Ever feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and you have to do everything since others and family are not doing what they said they would or you feel like your repeating yourself over and over trying to get help but they aren't helping you and doing things their way when your telling them what needs to be done and what is causing you stress. Yes I am currently in that state. I am mentally drained and physically drained. 

I suffer from anxiety and lots of it and it feels like the weight of everything is on me. I am trying so hard daily to keep it all together but juggling life, trying to find remote work, trying to sell my vinyl stickers and decals, trying to get YouTube up or something to support my family all while trying to juggle college and make sure things are going smoothly in the only place that was suppose to give peace but it's not. I have felt this way for the last five years and it's only getting worst. I have openly expressed myself of what could help but it's like I'm talking to a brick wall. I have wore myself down to the point I'm exhausted to the point I don't sleep at night and sleep a little during the day.

I'm the one writing all the blog posts that can't get AdSense due to one is adult content and it ruined my other blogs from getting it. I'm filling out job application for remote jobs since being an affiliate marketer isn't paying the bills. I am trying to help myself since all I have been doing is putting others first and their needs. 

I cared way to much for others when all they did was use me to the point I don't want to help anyone anymore. It's to the point my circle was small but it's even smaller now since I'm getting rid of the negativity and those that just want to take and take and take and use and use and use. I noticed a lot more positivity coming from it but I have a big heart and it hurts but I had to do what I had to to get my happiness and peace back. 

I am applying to jobs daily monthly weekly, trying to find something but its like no one is hiring and wants to hire. It is getting exhausting trying to find work especially something I can do remotely since I have kids and its not easy since most remote jobs are phone jobs. 

I also suffer from PCOS and that sucks. It causes more anxiety and depression. It causes pain and makes you feel alone. It causes hormone imbalance and can make you flip on everyone over nothing. They won't do anything but give birth control to counter act it something that can end up causing more anxiety and depression. I don't want anymore anxiety. I don't want anymore depression. I want to be at peace. I don't want to suffer anymore. 

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Life of fear.. A BITTER TRAGEDY

Abuse,  pain, blame, force, trauma, hurt, tears, suffering, arguing, silent cries, whispers, fake smiles, cracked faces, broken. It's my fault, I'm sorry,  I love yous, trust, misery, bruises, bleeding, broken bones, crushed, depression, anxiety, fear, sleepless nights, ptsd(doesn't have to be military related.) Suicidal; thoughts and tendencies. Emptiness, emotions, alone, emo, schizo, Alcohol, Unloved, Just here, suffer, name calling, torn, love..., no love, regrets, truth, excuses, sorrow, endless years, finding yourself, defeated, nothing to no one, lonely, no support, friendless, no family, DEATH

WHORE, SLUT, BITCH, WORTHLESS, WHALE, FAT, CARELESS, YOU DON'T CARE, STUPID, RETARD, YOU SHOULD DIE, GO KILL YOURSELF, NO ONE CARE FOR YOU, I DON'T LOVE YOU, YOU WILL NEVER BE NOTHING, YOUR NOTHING TO ME, YOU HURT ME, ~ MOST OF WHAT IVE BEEN TOLD ALL MY LIFE. 

Love is a 4 letter word that means nothing if its not shown.

Trust is a 5 letter word that doesn't mean anything if its broken.

Sorry is just a 5 letter word that gets thrown around when something happens and means nothing if its repeated over and over again.

Promises, a 8 letter word that is always broken by doing the opposite and repeating something you said you wouldn't do.

Apologies mean nothing if your just going to do the same thing over and over and over again day after day or a month after months.

Blame, something you go through when they don't want to be responsible for their own actions, so it takes off of them and put more on you.

Depression, something you feel going through this. Something that causes you to break and want to be alone because of the person you loved and who you thought love you has done all this to you. It also comes from blaming yourself for someone else's mistakes and can come from many other things.

Fear something you live in when promises are broken and i love yous turn to blaming you for something you didn't do. Something all these words make you feel after it all happened.

Admitting to something you have done is never so easy but telling the truth is worth way more than you would know. Telling lies can cause lots of fights and tension no matter what it is. 

 Everyone goes through this it does not have to be women, it's men and kids who also go through this. Some of them even blame themselves for someone else problem but it's not their fault.

Lies, things that they feed you when they are promising you something... Something that you believe for so long and that they tell you to get you off their case, backs and out their faces...Lies can never be actually fixed... Once a liar always a liar...

Bleeding all over and crushed on the inside, spitting in the face of someone you love, calling them a bitch and a whore, stupid, worthless,accusing them of things they have not done... blaming you for something you cannot control being pushed, shoved, beaten, abused, mentally, physically broken, crushed, and being told this will never happen, this is not me but it is, it is you, this is not love and it's best if you leave this situation it can get worse to the point you don't love them you just are scared to leave. 

No one deserves this! No one deserves to be blamed for someone else's problems, mistakes or anything that is going on. It takes a lot to keep trying to push through but sometimes it's best to escape no matter how much you love the person or no matter how much they say they love you and it will never happen again. 

These are what people go through. People suffering due to other people's actions and people don't realize it. They blame you for someone else's or their action because they don't wanna blame them or themselves. They don't realized that the person they blame hurts because of it. They don't understand what it does to or how it effects a person and they let the other person get away with it.
Karma is a bitch and what goes around comes around. You reap what you sow.

Worthless feeling

Ever been blamed for things you have not done?
Ever see things you want to buy but no money?
Ever try to help someone but get yelled at for ever trying?

Feeling worthless happens because the way you treat a person. Them trying to help but yet you just push them around and scream at them when they just want to make things better.

Them trying to talk but can't even express the way they feel because it effects you for no reason and you just act like everything is okay.

Being told you can talk to me but yet it's like WWIII.

I'm tired so tired of this feeling. I want to escape it. I want to scream and shout and just disappear from it all. This feeling has never went away it just got smaller and smaller until recently.

Depression is something most people do not understand. Things happen and you don't even realize it's happening. You just sit there and swim in your thoughts trying to cope and smile like it's all going to be okay but on the inside your crying trying to escape yourself, your feelings your depression. Until it wins and your no longer here. You struggle and struggle and struggle but no one can tell the difference when your painting a smile on your face.

When Depression Strikes

Dealing with depression is hard along with anxiety. It gets to the point you don't know which way to go or what to do. It often gets so bad that nothing feels okay everything is your fault, your worthless, your no good, your nothing. Sometimes you don't want to be around anyone cause you hurt so bad and thoughts circle your mind repeatedly telling you to give in it's not worth it,  your not needed, your worthless and no one will miss you. It is tough to live with. Sometimes you are okay and others your not. Some days your perfectly fine and then at nights when you lay down to rest your up rocking and crying trying to cope trying your hardest to tell yourself your okay that your not worthless, that you are someone but at times the thoughts win and your crushed. Some people do not understand it. Some people will never understand but others have dealt and dealing with it trying to cope trying to help those around them before it's to late and they are no longer here. Some night is insomniac nights where you cannot sleep and you lay there thinking about life and crying asking why does it hurt, why are you still here, what is left for me?  People do not know this because the strongest person doesn't tell anyone. The strongest person smiles on the outside but falling apart as everything is crushing them on the inside. As they stand by themselves trying to make sure everyone else is good while they do their best to cope. Some people will not understand this but others will. Most people never had to go through this but some did and they will tell you it will all be okay and they are here to help you with everything and they will help build yourself up so nothing can break you and you will have a support system as you start to fall which is okay they will help you but sometimes this doesn't always work sometimes you go back to square one and everything you worked hard on is torn back to pieces and your slowly laying down having insomniac nights and long days trying to cope.

Dead inside

The tear roll down my face
my depression kicks in
I'm such a mess
a beautiful tragedy that
is broken
More blood
more tissue
More tears
repeat each
day life is like
blade it comes
in stabs you and
repeats
rips things
apart till
there's nothing
left

Depression

Depression sometimes goes unnoticed, you can not tell you have it but others around you can tell.
Everything can be okay to you and feel normal but those around who suffers from depression can experience things differently.

If you do not know what depression is, it is a combination of different emotions happening all at once, one minute your fine the next your not the next its like everything is gone and you just want everything to end because you feel its better that way but guess what it won't be okay those around you will suffer more than you believe.

Depression can happen to anyone, doesn't matter how tough or strong they are or seem to be just one little thing can make them break. Sometimes people just cry and cry and cry, suicidal thoughts can occur at any moment and it's not good. Their happiness that they just had is gone and the depression takes over. Some people fail to realise that suicide is NOT  I repeat NOT the answer! It causes so much to their family and they do not realise it.

Please if you know someone who  is depressed or if it is you talking helps and just being there a shoulder to cry on also helps. Ask them what is upsetting them what makes them do what they do or why they want it to end it all so bad. Life gets better I promise no matter how bad things seems go out explore, talk and do what makes you happy  make friends!

Depressed people needs someone more than anyone else knows, there are people out here to help and they have medicines to help don't worry it's all okay. If you don't feel like talking write it out or draw it out that's the best medicine also!

The same feeling The Same memory

As the brown blood flows down my leg along with the water in the shower, as the same painful sharp pains appears in my stomach. I remember the pain from before. The sharp and throbbing pain that you can never forget the same kind of pain you want to never remember. It hurts the blood comes rushing more and more. My belly tightens while my back throbs almost like needles stabbing me. It hurts to the point I don't want to move... throb throb throb... it just keeps flowing and flowing down down down to the point it seems like it's never going to stop... The pain hurts but not as bad as my heart does... Beating beating beating until my pain comes harder and sharper until the tears start rolling from my eyes along with my silent cries...

Empty Shell Poem

Alone.. broken... empty
Nothing but emotions
bundling up and hitting me
nothing but tiredness and
stress nothing at all
my feelings hurt
my emotions are
trying to show
I'm lost.. confused
hurt and broken
my life is coming
together and the truth
is out, along with the
air that is clear...everything
is coming to light from the
dark everything is coming
undone and being put back
like stitches.. the stitches
only hurt for a while but in
the end it gets put back together
hoping it one day will heal
and never be broken again...
again... is a strong word
just like love and trust
just like the words that
are taken to heart that
makes you whole or
makes you crumble
as you sit there trying to
stay strong and hold it all
it tears you apart limb from
limb as you try to walk away
you slowly turn to dust and fade
just as if your just a memory alone
with being a broken empty shell.

Depression

Sometimes depression can be so severe that you yourself cannot tell. It takes someone around you to notice how bad it is.

You believe your being normal and acting normal but you’re really not. Your thinking to yourself that everything is okay as your trying to keep it all together you slowly break and crack as your crying on the inside and pretending to smile on the out.

You just want to cry, and cry and cry not even move, not even be bothered. Your hurting so much you're getting thoughts and they are not good. You kind of want it all to end but your trying to hang on. Your emotions are everywhere, and you cannot control it.

Everyone notices how you push yourself away. You barely eat, you barely want to be noticed. It’s like your just there, like you don't matter, like your worthless and useless and everything is passing you by.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! There is many of people out there that feels like this, I even feel and felt like this most of my life till now. No matter how much your comforted no matter how many times people tell you; you matter, they love you, your more than this it still hits, and it hits harder than they know, and it makes it worse.

It's all a process sometimes it gets better other times it comes back worse but there are many people out here that feels this way and there are many people who are a shoulder to cry on.

There are also people out here who is willing to listen and help and those people know how to help and has been down this road one time in life and those are the people who are our Superhero.      

Poems Written Through Poetic Eyes ( Preview, Get yours today!)

Do you like poems that make you feel? A book full of nothing but poems and feelings? Then this is the book for you! 

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Everything 

Everything doesn’t feel real touch

 it’s all in your imagination  

this is all a dream we are all inside your head

 can’t you 👀 it’s all nothing but a memory 

just close your eyes go to 💤 

there’s nothing to fear but life itself 

But this is the end of the poem 

 there’s no time 

  left to continue

 so this  is how it’ll end

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fear of the ⚰️ 

Sittin in this empty room 👀 

 my mind flutter across the page

 of my memory and listening to 

 the slow moans of the ⚰️>

 the embracing arms of the cold ⚰️

that stalks me every step

 I take and

💤 with me even when

 I’m ignoring their presence

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
YOU.

You treat me horribly I’m 19 

I should have freedom but I don’t you’re trying 

to keep me under your wing But you’re wrong 

 it’s not gonna work I’m ready to go ready to leave

  I can’t stand it here you yell cuss and try to fight 

You threatened to hit me You try to scare me but you don’t

 Try breaking me now I have someone who will help me stand 

You’re not ready for me to go but watch me leave

Your not gonna win 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Postpartum Depression

This sucks. You break down over everything, nothing is normal, it all is flying by me. I can't hold on I can't control anything its all just passing my by. I wanna break down but I can't fully do that, I feel like everything is my fault.. like I'm to blame... I'm broken.. I'm crumbling...

Drowning in my tears

I'm drowning in my tears
I've cried so much I can not see
it all hurts
everything hurts
it feels broken
I can't put it back
together it keeps
cracking, falling, breaking
I can't reach
its to far to grab
its falling and falling
I'm falling and falling
down... more and more
everything is spinning
spinning out of control
nothing to hold on to
nothing to grab
it's all fading away
like there is nothing
left... left of me
I am broken in to pieces
crying the last of my tears
trying to put it all together...
me all together....

Ripping on the inside

My heart feels like its been ripped out of my chest

the pain throbs and throbs and throbs 

the tears are rolling down my face 

as there is a frog in my throat 

I am so confused of what to do 

where to go

I am so confused 

everything feels so 

shattered so broken

I am hurting on the inside 

I am hurting on the out 

this is so unreal 

this depression 

its got a hold of me 

all I can do is cry 

I stress, I worry 

its all crashing down

all around 

I don't know what to do

As it all falls around me....

Everything is falling and breaking

I can’t catch it all nor put it back together

I’m so broken and torn, doesn’t matter how many times you put me back

together I still shatter….

I’m so emotional

But i guess this is it

Postpartum

The things they tried to warn me about

The thing that's broken me into pieces

Holding on with the little strength I have left

As I finish breaking to pieces

With my family by my side as I crumble apart

While I watch them grow i can’t give up I have to

Much to lose

Life after baby; Postpartum.

There is a lot of things that women go through after having a baby that some people do not understand.
We have a lot to go through from pain to depression to everything under they sun.

There is a lot of things that we try to cope with and hide like the fact that in postpartum depression the baby can feel like it's not yours, you may gain suicidal thoughts, everything feels like its going wrong that you are horrible and start blaming yourself for everything. There are also hidden feelings and emotions you have that you did not know you have. You can also say things you don't mean.

I just want to say, it's all going to be okay, you have came along way. You got this! you have a little one who needs you. You have a reason to keep going even if it all feels like its going to end, like the whole world is falling on your shoulders you have to push through and keep strong for your little one! It's hard trying to wake up each day and you want to give up I know. I have a newborn and a 1 year old. It's a struggle but you just have to keep moving. A support system is the best thing to have no matter who it is. Someone to talk to is really important and helps. Exercising or doing something you love helps to. I have had and still having battles and wanted to give up but I can not because I have two babies depending on me and not letting me give up. You can also go to your doctor and tell them about it and they will give you antidepressants. You can also go to a therapist, Don't worry many women go through this and some just don't feel comfortable talking about it.

There are others out there that are just like us, you are not alone please feel free to reach out to someone and talk about everything, it helps!