Life of fear.. A BITTER TRAGEDY

Abuse,  pain, blame, force, trauma, hurt, tears, suffering, arguing, silent cries, whispers, fake smiles, cracked faces, broken. It's my fault, I'm sorry,  I love yous, trust, misery, bruises, bleeding, broken bones, crushed, depression, anxiety, fear, sleepless nights, ptsd(doesn't have to be military related.) Suicidal; thoughts and tendencies. Emptiness, emotions, alone, emo, schizo, Alcohol, Unloved, Just here, suffer, name calling, torn, love..., no love, regrets, truth, excuses, sorrow, endless years, finding yourself, defeated, nothing to no one, lonely, no support, friendless, no family, DEATH

WHORE, SLUT, BITCH, WORTHLESS, WHALE, FAT, CARELESS, YOU DON'T CARE, STUPID, RETARD, YOU SHOULD DIE, GO KILL YOURSELF, NO ONE CARE FOR YOU, I DON'T LOVE YOU, YOU WILL NEVER BE NOTHING, YOUR NOTHING TO ME, YOU HURT ME, ~ MOST OF WHAT IVE BEEN TOLD ALL MY LIFE. 

Love is a 4 letter word that means nothing if its not shown.

Trust is a 5 letter word that doesn't mean anything if its broken.

Sorry is just a 5 letter word that gets thrown around when something happens and means nothing if its repeated over and over again.

Promises, a 8 letter word that is always broken by doing the opposite and repeating something you said you wouldn't do.

Apologies mean nothing if your just going to do the same thing over and over and over again day after day or a month after months.

Blame, something you go through when they don't want to be responsible for their own actions, so it takes off of them and put more on you.

Depression, something you feel going through this. Something that causes you to break and want to be alone because of the person you loved and who you thought love you has done all this to you. It also comes from blaming yourself for someone else's mistakes and can come from many other things.

Fear something you live in when promises are broken and i love yous turn to blaming you for something you didn't do. Something all these words make you feel after it all happened.

Admitting to something you have done is never so easy but telling the truth is worth way more than you would know. Telling lies can cause lots of fights and tension no matter what it is. 

 Everyone goes through this it does not have to be women, it's men and kids who also go through this. Some of them even blame themselves for someone else problem but it's not their fault.

Lies, things that they feed you when they are promising you something... Something that you believe for so long and that they tell you to get you off their case, backs and out their faces...Lies can never be actually fixed... Once a liar always a liar...

Bleeding all over and crushed on the inside, spitting in the face of someone you love, calling them a bitch and a whore, stupid, worthless,accusing them of things they have not done... blaming you for something you cannot control being pushed, shoved, beaten, abused, mentally, physically broken, crushed, and being told this will never happen, this is not me but it is, it is you, this is not love and it's best if you leave this situation it can get worse to the point you don't love them you just are scared to leave. 

No one deserves this! No one deserves to be blamed for someone else's problems, mistakes or anything that is going on. It takes a lot to keep trying to push through but sometimes it's best to escape no matter how much you love the person or no matter how much they say they love you and it will never happen again. 

These are what people go through. People suffering due to other people's actions and people don't realize it. They blame you for someone else's or their action because they don't wanna blame them or themselves. They don't realized that the person they blame hurts because of it. They don't understand what it does to or how it effects a person and they let the other person get away with it.
Karma is a bitch and what goes around comes around. You reap what you sow.

Worthless feeling

Ever been blamed for things you have not done?
Ever see things you want to buy but no money?
Ever try to help someone but get yelled at for ever trying?

Feeling worthless happens because the way you treat a person. Them trying to help but yet you just push them around and scream at them when they just want to make things better.

Them trying to talk but can't even express the way they feel because it effects you for no reason and you just act like everything is okay.

Being told you can talk to me but yet it's like WWIII.

I'm tired so tired of this feeling. I want to escape it. I want to scream and shout and just disappear from it all. This feeling has never went away it just got smaller and smaller until recently.

Depression is something most people do not understand. Things happen and you don't even realize it's happening. You just sit there and swim in your thoughts trying to cope and smile like it's all going to be okay but on the inside your crying trying to escape yourself, your feelings your depression. Until it wins and your no longer here. You struggle and struggle and struggle but no one can tell the difference when your painting a smile on your face.

Tears of the Silent

Tears falls down ones face as they break inside
There are no sounds or anything
the will never tell you how hurt they
are just their emotions will show
they can be so broken on the inside
and they will never show it they
will try to hide it but at times they
will fail and if they hold it in to much
they can bottle it up to the point they
can destroy themselves and everything
around them in the process and it is not
good it is not okay for them to do this
they are in need of help but they cry silently
at night or when noone is around they do this
because they are strong they don't wanna be judged
they just want to be okay but at times even this
doesn't help it can get much worst than this...

Postpartum Depression

This sucks. You break down over everything, nothing is normal, it all is flying by me. I can't hold on I can't control anything its all just passing my by. I wanna break down but I can't fully do that, I feel like everything is my fault.. like I'm to blame... I'm broken.. I'm crumbling...

Drowning in my tears

I'm drowning in my tears
I've cried so much I can not see
it all hurts
everything hurts
it feels broken
I can't put it back
together it keeps
cracking, falling, breaking
I can't reach
its to far to grab
its falling and falling
I'm falling and falling
down... more and more
everything is spinning
spinning out of control
nothing to hold on to
nothing to grab
it's all fading away
like there is nothing
left... left of me
I am broken in to pieces
crying the last of my tears
trying to put it all together...
me all together....

Ripping on the inside

My heart feels like its been ripped out of my chest

the pain throbs and throbs and throbs 

the tears are rolling down my face 

as there is a frog in my throat 

I am so confused of what to do 

where to go

I am so confused 

everything feels so 

shattered so broken

I am hurting on the inside 

I am hurting on the out 

this is so unreal 

this depression 

its got a hold of me 

all I can do is cry 

I stress, I worry 

its all crashing down

all around 

I don't know what to do

As it all falls around me....

Everything is falling and breaking

I can’t catch it all nor put it back together

I’m so broken and torn, doesn’t matter how many times you put me back

together I still shatter….

I’m so emotional

But i guess this is it

Postpartum

The things they tried to warn me about

The thing that's broken me into pieces

Holding on with the little strength I have left

As I finish breaking to pieces

With my family by my side as I crumble apart

While I watch them grow i can’t give up I have to

Much to lose