Abandonment feeling by family

The abandoned feeling comes from many different ways and family is included. It is like my mother only cares about my little brothers accomplishments. 

I graduated college and got my certificate she only tells me she's proud of me but my brother graduates and she's posting it all over Facebook. I just don't get it. 

They never come to see me, it is always me to go see them. They never ask me how I am, they don't even talk to me unless it's someone dies. They don't come see their grandkids it's me always taking them to see them. 

It's like I don't even matter to them. They don't care about me until something major happens to me and then they probably won't care then. 

It's the alone feeling I get the feeling of abandonment. The feeling of none of my accomplishments matter to them. 

Most days I feel like I am dying and I never even bother telling them. No point in it. Every time I come around it's like job and work and everyone else tells things that they are doing but no one cares about me it feels like and it sucks. They act like I haven't been looking for work or jobs but with my health no one will hire me.

They were right, people pick and choose who there favorites are, I guess that is the reason I'm the black sheep of the family.

 When I get my degree, I'm not even going to bother telling them. When I buy my first home, I'm not even gonna bother telling them, no point in it. 

They rather hang out with my old friend from high school and her parents instead of me so be it.

I didn't realize that when I grew up, I would be alone... 

We would get made fun of and threatened if we did wrong, we got made fun of from our weight in which it isn't our fault. Growing up wasn't the greatest, I would stick to myself and not bother, pretend I wasn't there stayed in my room cause I didn't feel like I was welcomed...

They would never take us to the beach, they would always drop us off at our aunts so they could go to the beach with my fathers parents every year for my parents anniversary but claim they would take us. My bother went to the beaches and other trips with his friends.

 I went to the beach back in like 2017 for the first time before I got married. They never took us anywhere really. We never went to the zoo, never went to Carowinds or an amusement park, it was we never really went anywhere and it sucks, we never spent time with them at all. The first time ever I went to Carowinds was on a school field trip in middle school and that was it. 

I don't have any trips with family to remember, I don't have time with family to cherish all I have is sadness and misery due to they never really done anything with us.

 It is like I missed out while others were able to go out and have fun and go to different places and now, that I am older, I want to take my kids out and I want to show them things I never got to do. 

So I am becoming the person that I needed when I was growing up. 

Also want you to know, that abandonment feeling will never go away. The feeling of being alone will never go away. Does not matter if you're married, have friends, or have a partner, you will just have to cope with it and find away because no matter how many people there are around you, you will always feel alone. 

You are never alone with me. I love you! 

https://ko-fi.com/post/Abandonment-feeling-by-family-N4N2H4MWE

Struggling with mental health

 I personally have been struggling with my mental health for years. Growing up was not so easy for me. I was bullied for the way that I was, I was bullied for the clothes that I wore, the way I looked, my size and so much more. It gotten to the point I no longer wanted to go to school and I would fight with my mother when all she wanted was the best for me.

 I didn't want to open up to anyone because they would make fun of me more and laugh and judge me for getting help.

I became suicidal and never really bothered anyone. I did not really have friends and no one seemed to really care about me throughout school. I was like an outcast. I wanted to go to therapy and talk to people about it but we could not afford it so I decided to take up writing and that is how I got to where I am today. 

People would use me and get what they wanted and never talk to me and that is kind of what it is like now. I do not talk to anyone and I stay to myself. 

Truthfully, I hated how I treated her and I treat her so much better now. I personally understood where she was coming from. She was raised from a somewhat broken home. 

Her mother did not show her love like a child should be loved and her father basically was always about his money. Her mother and father would fight like cats and dogs and she dropped out of high school cause they always moved. She then moved in with her grandmother and her grandmother raised her the best she could. 

My mother then became the parent that she needed growing up and she understood a lot of things. 

Mt father which him and my mother have been married for 24 years now. They got married a year before I was born. 

My father, had a rough life which hints at abuse but never would fully state. He came from a home where things were not fair. He always talks about the olden days where the kids where always last and the adults would eat before them. He talks about remembering where when it was his time to eat, they had skimmed over food and sometimes they have food that was put back and some had bite marks in it.

His mother, was never really there his father was in the military and basically he wasn't home. He was raised by his grandmother and his grandmother and his uncle's raised him well although his uncle's were drunks and his grandpa made moonshine.

 He is the type to give the shirt off his back. He is a hard working honest man. He has rough edges that this life has given him but once you get past that you can truly see him for who he is besides this rough person who he presents himself as. He is a hard person sometimes but that's how life built him.

But, somewhere down the line  him and his mom made a bond that was unbreakable. His mom was closer to him than his dad and I completely understood. His mom was the person everyone needed in their life. His dad was a quiet type around people and it's like something along the lines causes him issues.

His teenage and early adult years were rocky but I understand. He made a lot of mistakes in life and he's always speaking about them and always talking about knowledge. He is a wise man and someone everyone would like to have in their life. 

Raising me for sure was not easy for them and I know but they did it. There was times we were struggling and couldn't really get any help had issues getting food sometimes due to they made to much for assistance and couldn't pay the bills at times which life happens.

Both parents have been there for their family through everything. They are giving the love that they did not have as a kid growing up and I personally love it.

I now as an mother, a wife have been diagnosed with PCOS, anxiety, depression and I self diagnosed for autism in which we all suspected it was there and now I know where the kids got it from which is okay with me. 

The whole point besides giving you background of my family is to let you know it comes from somewhere and starts somewhere even if you do not realize it. Everyone struggles with it and do not be afraid to reach out. Reaching out can help you more than you know. 

Never feel ashamed to get help. If someone judges you don't worry about them because life is never easy and karma is real.