Why does apologies mean nothing?

Apologies mean nothing if nothing changes. If it keeps happening over and over and over and you bring up points and try to explain and point out what's happening and what's going wrong and ways that you can fix it and they don't even put in the effort to fix it but keep saying sorry but it keeps happening then they aren't trying to fix it. They are saying sorry to get you to hush about it and stop bring it up cause they don't want to deal with it. 

They will blame you, make excuses on why they can't do something or why it keeps happening and it is just going to be a huge loop over and over and over and eventually you will become tired of it draining you mentally and physically and then you will end up having to figure out how to escape and when you try to, they will make it seem like everything is your fault and get mad because you can see right through them and see through everything they told you and all kinds of things that don't add up.  You can confront them about it but they will call you names and then give you reasons and just be the ultimately shitty person. 

They will try fill you in with sappy things to make it seem like they are genuine then switch up on you and keep doing it over and over again and no they are not sorry and they don't mean the apology. They will just keep doing it over and over again just to try to keep you trap so they can continue to break you down and take your happiness from you make it feel like you are the one in the wrong that you are worthless and oh you can't have fun without them. They will also tell all their friends and those around you that its your fault and you did it all and they won't even tell them what they did for the reaction. They will isolate you and make you feel alone and like they are the only thing that is good for you. 

Be careful with these kinds of people. It can only get worst and it totally does. While your trying to get them to talk to you while they are busy entertaining other people and giving you reasons and excuses of why they are doing something and why they won't talk to you but blame you for the reaction that you are giving because they basically made you the way you are and the cold hearted person you became because you did nothing but gave them time, care, love, compassion, made sure to make them a priority  in your life all while they pick and choose when to make you one in theirs and then can't even give you a full good 5 minutes before having to jump into a game or talk to someone else but you be sure to quickly reply before they get mad all while they don't even reply for 10-30 minutes later and sometimes hours or even the next day.

 Oh they will also blame a mental illness and do everything they said they can't do with you with someone else and then say they will unalive themselves if you call them out or confront them about it and then say you make them depressed and all kinds of things but then they will also blame it on something or someone else and if you do something then they will say its you who causes them depression and hurt them when in actuality they are doing it and reflecting it to make it seem like you are doing it. 

Yeah if your relationship is like this. It is defiantly not a relationship they are just keeping you there to keep using your energy, joy, love and care and time so you can't find anyone else and they can make it feel like you are the only one and they are the only one for you when in actuality they are playing your feelings like a fool and they don't care about you nor your time nor love they only care about what you can give. 

Depression

 Depression can be so bad that no one can notice until it is to late. You wouldn't know if someone is suffering from depression unless someone tell you. Depressed people such as myself can pretty much mask it and pretend everything is okay when it's totally not and no one will ever know unless they are around you for long periods of time.

 People don't realize that depression can come from just about anything in life from the way a person lives, jobs, not reaching goals and dreams, and pretty much anything that doesn't make the person happy. It could even be the people around you that has brought you down and made you not believe in yourself or they reached their goals and brag about it. 

It is more than just sadness. It is anger that is built up inside from feeling like you have failed and failed so many times and you feel like your not going to make it and you don't want to make it anymore you just want everything to end since you feel like a failure. It's not eating much, not showering, not cleaning, not doing anything you enjoy just laying in bed all day feeling worthless.

Depression is real and it sucks. I say this because one minute your fine and happy the next your sad and depressed trying to figure out what went wrong and over thinking the whole thing causing so much issues that it's just crushing you and you feel yourself lost and wondering. 

It can get to the point of you feeling so along that you just want to end it. You feel like nothing good is going to happen but good things do happen you just have to hang on and be hopeful.

People don't understand. They only start to worry when you go missing and not returning the calls and not there anymore. That's when they start to worry. 

Check on your friends. Most of us are not okay and only saying we are while battling depression so no one worries.

Applying to job after job after job trying to make better of the life we leave but only getting shut down and no call backs and no interviews. Don't give up, it will all come together eventually you just have to hold on.

Loving someone but they treat you so horribly, telling you one thing but lying the next and you whole heartily love them and want to be with them but they only use you until you feel like you are nothing and worthless.

Trying to open up to friends and family but they don't care. They tell you it's life and get over it until one day your over life and no longer here is when they ask why didn't they talk to me or us? Why did they do it? Why did they leave us? But when you tried to talk to them they shoved you off.

Ways to help this is remove negative people in your life. The ones that are always shooting you down and not believing in you. You have to believe in yourself sometimes and give yourself the support that you need cause people out here are not your friends and only want what they can get from you and it doesn't matter how you feel or what you tell them. You have to burn a bridge and careful of the company you keep. Don't tell everyone everything cause they will use it against you.

Give yourself a mental break and take a break from everything that's troubling you and rest. Self care and love is the best of care and love. 

And if you don't feel loved. I love you.