You're so insecure

 

You're so insecure about yourself that you basically reflect it on me. You are so insecure that you have to ask me if you penis size is big enough or that you have to make sure that I am not leaving because of everything that you did and honestly I am sick and tired of you asking me the same questions everyday.

 It has been a up and down thing for 8 years and I am tired of it. Everyday I have to ask the same question and its old. I am tired of answering it. I am tired of it all. You're so worried about someone else and others around that you are starting to seem like a narcissist. 

It's like I don't even get time to myself, I can't even go to the bathroom without you being on top of me and I need my space to breathe.  You bring up you always let me go with you but I need my space, you are crowding me and I want my personal time but it is like I cannot have that and I want that. 

Everyday since being sick, I asked you to do things but you still sit in the chair and do the bare minimum. I have asked you to do things months ago and it is still not done so apparently you are worried about me leaving but won't even do the things I asked you to do. 

Yeah, you always want something from me, but you barely do anything but get mad when I call you out on it for lying... this no longer makes me happy... 

Tired of living the same way

 I am tired of living the same way for about 7 years. I thought things would be better, I thought we would of gotten our own place and out of the rental but that has not happened. I not complaining about it it is better than nothing but you said we would have a place of our own.

  You even said things would be better and we would of gotten our own place but no we didn't. 

 I have continuously buss my butt with affiliate marketing and trying to make it but it is no longer working. Things have slowed down, even though I am with well over 50 different companies. I does not matter what I do nothing seems to be working. 

Christmas and birthday are on its way and the only way I feel we will get by is with my school refund. The school refunds that have gotten us this far. I transferred to a different school and now I get one if I even get one every semester which is like 4 months when and then I don't even get one. I got one in February when I started and one in May and nothing now. 

I am so tired of going through this. I even share the hell out of my stuff trying to get people to buy, I am always open about things and never lied to anyone but no you can't trust anyone online but yet these big creators are asking for money and they are willingly giving it to them. 

I am just so exhausted of this and I want a change. I feel like you don't keep your word and I have to keep forcing and pushing and reminding you but I am honestly tired of this constantly. I am tired of the saying one thing but doing another or not doing it at all until I bring it up again. 

I am so tired of this. I am tired of the constant worrying and the burnt out feeling that I have. I am tired of you saying oh your going to help me write the blogs and do things when in actuality it is me still doing it and working on everything by myself. You get upset or mad and or jealous of people that comes around and you always think I want to be with them and or leaving and I am so sick of it. The repeated questions I am also tired of them. 7 years I have stayed by your side through this... I am tired of having to find up money to afford things. 

I am tired of having to figure everything else. I ask to you multiple times to do something and it's like you won't. I want to go on a nice date, I want to be able to not have to worry about money and if the bills are going to be paid and if we are going to be able to afford things.  I am tired and burning out. I don't even want to do this anymore.

Check out the other blogs, if you buy anything from the side panels and or links it will help me out since Christmas and birthdays are coming. I also have ko-fi for this page and the gaming one. 

Ko-fi for lovely writes 

Gaming blog       Gaming ko-f here    Twitch here   YouTube here 

Adultnoveltys 18+ blog 

throsmoke blog   

Life of fear.. A BITTER TRAGEDY

Abuse,  pain, blame, force, trauma, hurt, tears, suffering, arguing, silent cries, whispers, fake smiles, cracked faces, broken. It's my fault, I'm sorry,  I love yous, trust, misery, bruises, bleeding, broken bones, crushed, depression, anxiety, fear, sleepless nights, ptsd(doesn't have to be military related.) Suicidal; thoughts and tendencies. Emptiness, emotions, alone, emo, schizo, Alcohol, Unloved, Just here, suffer, name calling, torn, love..., no love, regrets, truth, excuses, sorrow, endless years, finding yourself, defeated, nothing to no one, lonely, no support, friendless, no family, DEATH

WHORE, SLUT, BITCH, WORTHLESS, WHALE, FAT, CARELESS, YOU DON'T CARE, STUPID, RETARD, YOU SHOULD DIE, GO KILL YOURSELF, NO ONE CARE FOR YOU, I DON'T LOVE YOU, YOU WILL NEVER BE NOTHING, YOUR NOTHING TO ME, YOU HURT ME, ~ MOST OF WHAT IVE BEEN TOLD ALL MY LIFE. 

Love is a 4 letter word that means nothing if its not shown.

Trust is a 5 letter word that doesn't mean anything if its broken.

Sorry is just a 5 letter word that gets thrown around when something happens and means nothing if its repeated over and over again.

Promises, a 8 letter word that is always broken by doing the opposite and repeating something you said you wouldn't do.

Apologies mean nothing if your just going to do the same thing over and over and over again day after day or a month after months.

Blame, something you go through when they don't want to be responsible for their own actions, so it takes off of them and put more on you.

Depression, something you feel going through this. Something that causes you to break and want to be alone because of the person you loved and who you thought love you has done all this to you. It also comes from blaming yourself for someone else's mistakes and can come from many other things.

Fear something you live in when promises are broken and i love yous turn to blaming you for something you didn't do. Something all these words make you feel after it all happened.

Admitting to something you have done is never so easy but telling the truth is worth way more than you would know. Telling lies can cause lots of fights and tension no matter what it is. 

 Everyone goes through this it does not have to be women, it's men and kids who also go through this. Some of them even blame themselves for someone else problem but it's not their fault.

Lies, things that they feed you when they are promising you something... Something that you believe for so long and that they tell you to get you off their case, backs and out their faces...Lies can never be actually fixed... Once a liar always a liar...

Bleeding all over and crushed on the inside, spitting in the face of someone you love, calling them a bitch and a whore, stupid, worthless,accusing them of things they have not done... blaming you for something you cannot control being pushed, shoved, beaten, abused, mentally, physically broken, crushed, and being told this will never happen, this is not me but it is, it is you, this is not love and it's best if you leave this situation it can get worse to the point you don't love them you just are scared to leave. 

No one deserves this! No one deserves to be blamed for someone else's problems, mistakes or anything that is going on. It takes a lot to keep trying to push through but sometimes it's best to escape no matter how much you love the person or no matter how much they say they love you and it will never happen again. 

These are what people go through. People suffering due to other people's actions and people don't realize it. They blame you for someone else's or their action because they don't wanna blame them or themselves. They don't realized that the person they blame hurts because of it. They don't understand what it does to or how it effects a person and they let the other person get away with it.
Karma is a bitch and what goes around comes around. You reap what you sow.