Therapy

 Therapy for some are many different things. Therapy allows you to open up and talk about your feelings pretty much anyway you can, want to or feel. 

My therapy is blogging and writing about how I feel, things bothering me and what is on my mind. 

Another therapy for me is anything that heals my inner child and allows me to grow and be better then my parents were. 

I told them growing up that I need therapy, I have a lack of expressing how I feel and it was just blown off. They said I did not need therapy so from there, I decide to bottle up every little bit of emotion that I had and I ended up having this rage and anger and it was like they never cared nor listened to what I needed or want but instead they favored my brother and gave him everything and anything he wanted and I ended up having to cope on my own and figure out how to juggle and manage everything. 

I also enjoy photography but due to having to sale my gear to help fund the house we live in, I never got enough funds or gotten around to buying a new kit and so now I am trying to find other way to cope. 

When Depression Strikes

Dealing with depression is hard along with anxiety. It gets to the point you don't know which way to go or what to do. It often gets so bad that nothing feels okay everything is your fault, your worthless, your no good, your nothing. Sometimes you don't want to be around anyone cause you hurt so bad and thoughts circle your mind repeatedly telling you to give in it's not worth it,  your not needed, your worthless and no one will miss you. It is tough to live with. Sometimes you are okay and others your not. Some days your perfectly fine and then at nights when you lay down to rest your up rocking and crying trying to cope trying your hardest to tell yourself your okay that your not worthless, that you are someone but at times the thoughts win and your crushed. Some people do not understand it. Some people will never understand but others have dealt and dealing with it trying to cope trying to help those around them before it's to late and they are no longer here. Some night is insomniac nights where you cannot sleep and you lay there thinking about life and crying asking why does it hurt, why are you still here, what is left for me?  People do not know this because the strongest person doesn't tell anyone. The strongest person smiles on the outside but falling apart as everything is crushing them on the inside. As they stand by themselves trying to make sure everyone else is good while they do their best to cope. Some people will not understand this but others will. Most people never had to go through this but some did and they will tell you it will all be okay and they are here to help you with everything and they will help build yourself up so nothing can break you and you will have a support system as you start to fall which is okay they will help you but sometimes this doesn't always work sometimes you go back to square one and everything you worked hard on is torn back to pieces and your slowly laying down having insomniac nights and long days trying to cope.

Life after baby; Postpartum.

There is a lot of things that women go through after having a baby that some people do not understand.
We have a lot to go through from pain to depression to everything under they sun.

There is a lot of things that we try to cope with and hide like the fact that in postpartum depression the baby can feel like it's not yours, you may gain suicidal thoughts, everything feels like its going wrong that you are horrible and start blaming yourself for everything. There are also hidden feelings and emotions you have that you did not know you have. You can also say things you don't mean.

I just want to say, it's all going to be okay, you have came along way. You got this! you have a little one who needs you. You have a reason to keep going even if it all feels like its going to end, like the whole world is falling on your shoulders you have to push through and keep strong for your little one! It's hard trying to wake up each day and you want to give up I know. I have a newborn and a 1 year old. It's a struggle but you just have to keep moving. A support system is the best thing to have no matter who it is. Someone to talk to is really important and helps. Exercising or doing something you love helps to. I have had and still having battles and wanted to give up but I can not because I have two babies depending on me and not letting me give up. You can also go to your doctor and tell them about it and they will give you antidepressants. You can also go to a therapist, Don't worry many women go through this and some just don't feel comfortable talking about it.

There are others out there that are just like us, you are not alone please feel free to reach out to someone and talk about everything, it helps!