When Depression Strikes

Dealing with depression is hard along with anxiety. It gets to the point you don't know which way to go or what to do. It often gets so bad that nothing feels okay everything is your fault, your worthless, your no good, your nothing. Sometimes you don't want to be around anyone cause you hurt so bad and thoughts circle your mind repeatedly telling you to give in it's not worth it,  your not needed, your worthless and no one will miss you. It is tough to live with. Sometimes you are okay and others your not. Some days your perfectly fine and then at nights when you lay down to rest your up rocking and crying trying to cope trying your hardest to tell yourself your okay that your not worthless, that you are someone but at times the thoughts win and your crushed. Some people do not understand it. Some people will never understand but others have dealt and dealing with it trying to cope trying to help those around them before it's to late and they are no longer here. Some night is insomniac nights where you cannot sleep and you lay there thinking about life and crying asking why does it hurt, why are you still here, what is left for me?  People do not know this because the strongest person doesn't tell anyone. The strongest person smiles on the outside but falling apart as everything is crushing them on the inside. As they stand by themselves trying to make sure everyone else is good while they do their best to cope. Some people will not understand this but others will. Most people never had to go through this but some did and they will tell you it will all be okay and they are here to help you with everything and they will help build yourself up so nothing can break you and you will have a support system as you start to fall which is okay they will help you but sometimes this doesn't always work sometimes you go back to square one and everything you worked hard on is torn back to pieces and your slowly laying down having insomniac nights and long days trying to cope.

The Gallbladder Attacks

When the gallbladder attacks it's no joke. I was pregnant with my second last year and it got worst but they wouldn't take it out till the middle of my pregnancy but because it didn't really act up as much then they didn't and when it did it was 3rd trimester and they couldn't.
  At the beginning I had an ERCP and it's where they take a camera with a light and they crushed a gallstone and took it out in pieces because it was stuck in my duct. The doc had to put a pancreatic stent in because the dye kept running into it and I ended up having more pain and had to get a EDG done to remove it. Now almost 3 months after my pregnancy I'm still having attacks and suffering no matter what I do and how much I try to prevent it it still is happening but they won't take it out till it's infected or about to bust open.  It sends pains and shocks through the chest, abdomen and back along with the shoulder. Sometimes it feels like an heart attack or something much worst whenever you eat certain things. I go see my doc or even go to the hospital they won't do anything but send me back to my doc and then tell me to schedule an appointment with the surgeon but last time I seen him he said he won't till it gets to the infection point so I'm stuck with it till further notice...