It is hard to let go; It's time to put you first

 

Sometimes, we encounter people in our lives and they end up making a mark on us. No matter how they do us or what they say we always will forgive them and try to be there for them even though they are never really there for us. 

It is like when we try to go no contact, when we try to distance ourself from them, unfriend them, block them or just do whatever it is to pretty much get away from them its like we can't let them go.

 We somehow wind up back in the area where we were once before and we pretty much try and try again but we end up adding them back, trying to patch things up and keep rekindling the fire because we are lonely. 

I know the feels. I know exactly what it is like to get rid of people who no longer serve a purpose to me but end up keep coming back days, months and even years because you want to catch up and feel like there's a piece of us missing or just because you need or want someone to talk to.

When in reality, if we get past the sinking lonely feeling, if we get past the feeling that you need them in your life when you really don't. 

We always bend our backs and do whatever we can for others while they do the bare minimum for us but then when we need them, they are never there. 

It's never the how are you doing but its always can you do this or that? 

It's time to put yourself first and do for you. Remove the negative people out of your life. Remove the gaslighting, remove the jealousy, remove anything and anyone that does not serve you. 

It is time for healing and removing these kinds of people will allow you to do and be better. Never stand lower than someone and remember you are not a door mat so stop allowing people to walk over you and use you.

If a person showed you who they were once, they will do it again and again.

 No one can change on the drop of a dime, it takes time and sometimes they don't even really change, they just say that and use an excuse of why and reasons. Never left a snake bite you twice. 

It is time for peace, we have been at war for so long it is time to let it all go and have peace and heal. 

We owe it to ourselves and deserve to finally be free and happy and don't say you're happy with whoever it was doing this to you because I can honestly say your going to get tired of it and snap and let it all go.

Mentally drained, physically drained

 Ever feel like your alone? Ever feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and you have to do everything since others and family are not doing what they said they would or you feel like your repeating yourself over and over trying to get help but they aren't helping you and doing things their way when your telling them what needs to be done and what is causing you stress. Yes I am currently in that state. I am mentally drained and physically drained. 

I suffer from anxiety and lots of it and it feels like the weight of everything is on me. I am trying so hard daily to keep it all together but juggling life, trying to find remote work, trying to sell my vinyl stickers and decals, trying to get YouTube up or something to support my family all while trying to juggle college and make sure things are going smoothly in the only place that was suppose to give peace but it's not. I have felt this way for the last five years and it's only getting worst. I have openly expressed myself of what could help but it's like I'm talking to a brick wall. I have wore myself down to the point I'm exhausted to the point I don't sleep at night and sleep a little during the day.

I'm the one writing all the blog posts that can't get AdSense due to one is adult content and it ruined my other blogs from getting it. I'm filling out job application for remote jobs since being an affiliate marketer isn't paying the bills. I am trying to help myself since all I have been doing is putting others first and their needs. 

I cared way to much for others when all they did was use me to the point I don't want to help anyone anymore. It's to the point my circle was small but it's even smaller now since I'm getting rid of the negativity and those that just want to take and take and take and use and use and use. I noticed a lot more positivity coming from it but I have a big heart and it hurts but I had to do what I had to to get my happiness and peace back. 

I am applying to jobs daily monthly weekly, trying to find something but its like no one is hiring and wants to hire. It is getting exhausting trying to find work especially something I can do remotely since I have kids and its not easy since most remote jobs are phone jobs. 

I also suffer from PCOS and that sucks. It causes more anxiety and depression. It causes pain and makes you feel alone. It causes hormone imbalance and can make you flip on everyone over nothing. They won't do anything but give birth control to counter act it something that can end up causing more anxiety and depression. I don't want anymore anxiety. I don't want anymore depression. I want to be at peace. I don't want to suffer anymore. 

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