Empty Promises

 After awhile, a person becomes numb to empty promises. When a person say and promises they are going to do something but they end up not doing it and your expectations lowers and lowers every promise that they do not do, you end up getting use to them saying they are going to do it and end up doing nothing in which you end up getting your hopes up and end up being crushed making it so you have to end up doing it and making plans of having to fix what they said they were going to do. 

Another thing is being said but it is so empty. Getting fed up with everything and eventually you end up taking over and trying to do everything without letting the other know until it is done because expecting them to do it just makes you feel empty. 

Having expectations of a person or the man of the house just for them to not even hold their weight but come up with every excuse and reason why they shouldn't while you juggle 36 different things from your kids, to bills to making sure the house is good to making sure your health is good to making sure everything is working great and correctly to making sure that everything is working and going smoothly and if something happens you end up trying to fix it. 

This causes a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of silent cries and just a lot of strain on your body and health trying to be this picture perfect but in reality it just tears you down to the point you no longer want to do it anymore. 

You no longer want to be in a marriage where everything looks great with a fake smile juggling everything including the empty promises and emotions along with the weight of the man or woman you supposedly love who promised to do everything they can and said they would but only does the bare minimum or none at all leaving it all for you to end up doing because we all know they are not. 

This can be projected on men or it can be projected on women. This can be a perspective of anyone because anyone can leave broken promises. I know this feeling all to well and honestly, it is a tiring feeling. I done cried all the tears I can along with I done tried, I done screamed, I done showed so much how it bothers me just for nothing to happen but the excuse of I'm to tired or I'll do it later and it gets done months later with the "I forgot." even though I just brought it up and brought it up again and don't let me say I have to do something because it turns into they will do it and guess what, the same thing happens. 

Marriage and relationships

 

Marriage and relationships are commitment. It is loving each other unconditionally through the ups and downs. It is being there for one another when things are not looking up and helping them. It is not a one sided thing. It is 50/50. Their problems are your problems and your problems are theirs. 

If you are not ready for commitment and helping each other of if you are to busy to notice when the other person needs you and is struggling while you are out doing your own thing, let the person go. It is not worth them wasting their time, love, care and drowning in issues expecting you to come along and help them when in actuality you're not going to. 

If someone else has your attention let the person you are holding on to go so that they can find someone that is for them instead of being led on thinking that you actually want them and want to spend your life with them. 

People who genuinely cares and loves you ends up planning their whole life with you. They want to experience it all with you but if you don't want to spend your life with them and be everything they need in life and all you do make excuses all the time, blame, assume accuse them and make them feel less than a person, you don't deserve them and they do not deserve the treatment that you put them through. 

They deserve better, they deserve to be loved and be cherished. They do not deserve to suffer from you because you aren't ready. They do not deserve to be broken because you are broken, have trust issues, jealousy, narcist, Stockholm syndrome, have been called out and confronted because you are doing things that they know you are doing but you are trying to pretend you're not doing it and try to make it seem like the person is crazy and keep throwing off on them because you do not want to admit the truth.

 Gut feelings never lie. Trust me, we can tell when something isn't right and things are off. 

Sometimes we just let it go until we can no longer take it and other times we try to handle it right on the spot. Just sit back and watch, karma is quick. 

I don't understand people

 I don't understand how people can basically pretend to be something they are not or put up a front and then days, weeks or months later their true self gets revealed showing that they are not who they said to be that they are not what they showed to be.

It takes more time and energy to lie. Then after lying you have to come up with more lying and try to remember all of the lies you told hoping not to slip up and hoping the person you lied to does not figure it out and basically stop believing you.

Not being honest with a person can bring up trust issues. Trust issues can bring up a lot more things and can end up causing trauma to the other person to the point they don't and feel as if they cannot trust anyone.

If a person is not happy in the relationship they should just leave. They shouldn't play games with the other person and just lead them on. They should just go cause once a person finds out it's over anyways. But sometimes people are to busy doing on their own accord. They see the good, love and care in the person and they just want to tag them along and keep them to themselves while they are out here cheating and not being faithful. 

It sucks it really does but it happens a lot more than you think. Many people who have a good heart get used to the point that they do not want to be in a relationship. They are afraid to love and trust again. They do not want to invest time into something new in fears that they will be broken and hurt again and have the feeling that everyone is out to use them.

So if you find a good person, be honest with them and never lie to them no matter how bad you think it will hurt them. 

Life of fear.. A BITTER TRAGEDY

Abuse,  pain, blame, force, trauma, hurt, tears, suffering, arguing, silent cries, whispers, fake smiles, cracked faces, broken. It's my fault, I'm sorry,  I love yous, trust, misery, bruises, bleeding, broken bones, crushed, depression, anxiety, fear, sleepless nights, ptsd(doesn't have to be military related.) Suicidal; thoughts and tendencies. Emptiness, emotions, alone, emo, schizo, Alcohol, Unloved, Just here, suffer, name calling, torn, love..., no love, regrets, truth, excuses, sorrow, endless years, finding yourself, defeated, nothing to no one, lonely, no support, friendless, no family, DEATH

WHORE, SLUT, BITCH, WORTHLESS, WHALE, FAT, CARELESS, YOU DON'T CARE, STUPID, RETARD, YOU SHOULD DIE, GO KILL YOURSELF, NO ONE CARE FOR YOU, I DON'T LOVE YOU, YOU WILL NEVER BE NOTHING, YOUR NOTHING TO ME, YOU HURT ME, ~ MOST OF WHAT IVE BEEN TOLD ALL MY LIFE. 

Love is a 4 letter word that means nothing if its not shown.

Trust is a 5 letter word that doesn't mean anything if its broken.

Sorry is just a 5 letter word that gets thrown around when something happens and means nothing if its repeated over and over again.

Promises, a 8 letter word that is always broken by doing the opposite and repeating something you said you wouldn't do.

Apologies mean nothing if your just going to do the same thing over and over and over again day after day or a month after months.

Blame, something you go through when they don't want to be responsible for their own actions, so it takes off of them and put more on you.

Depression, something you feel going through this. Something that causes you to break and want to be alone because of the person you loved and who you thought love you has done all this to you. It also comes from blaming yourself for someone else's mistakes and can come from many other things.

Fear something you live in when promises are broken and i love yous turn to blaming you for something you didn't do. Something all these words make you feel after it all happened.

Admitting to something you have done is never so easy but telling the truth is worth way more than you would know. Telling lies can cause lots of fights and tension no matter what it is. 

 Everyone goes through this it does not have to be women, it's men and kids who also go through this. Some of them even blame themselves for someone else problem but it's not their fault.

Lies, things that they feed you when they are promising you something... Something that you believe for so long and that they tell you to get you off their case, backs and out their faces...Lies can never be actually fixed... Once a liar always a liar...

Bleeding all over and crushed on the inside, spitting in the face of someone you love, calling them a bitch and a whore, stupid, worthless,accusing them of things they have not done... blaming you for something you cannot control being pushed, shoved, beaten, abused, mentally, physically broken, crushed, and being told this will never happen, this is not me but it is, it is you, this is not love and it's best if you leave this situation it can get worse to the point you don't love them you just are scared to leave. 

No one deserves this! No one deserves to be blamed for someone else's problems, mistakes or anything that is going on. It takes a lot to keep trying to push through but sometimes it's best to escape no matter how much you love the person or no matter how much they say they love you and it will never happen again. 

These are what people go through. People suffering due to other people's actions and people don't realize it. They blame you for someone else's or their action because they don't wanna blame them or themselves. They don't realized that the person they blame hurts because of it. They don't understand what it does to or how it effects a person and they let the other person get away with it.
Karma is a bitch and what goes around comes around. You reap what you sow.

Marriage and Clingy-ness

Lets talk about marriage and how sweet it is shall we? It's a great thing marriage is when you find the right person to confide in but now lets talk about clingy-ness the one thing that causes marriage to kind of shift away.

Clingy-ness is not good for a marriage it brings all kinds of things such as jealousy, selfishness and many other things. It can turn a beautiful process into a beautiful nightmare and tragedy.

Marriage is suppose to be built on trust but if there is no trust then guess what there is nothing there it turns into a repeating nightmare that you just want to escape from and have fears that you cannot.

You can become broken if and start to crumble as your trying to hold it all together there should never be selfishness in marriage and if there is trust then you should never have to worry if your spouse still wants you and loves you.

Being broken is hard while trying to hold up your head and make sure nothing is falling apart. It is a tough job when one person is pulling the whole thing because the other person has gave up. It can and will destroy you as a person and end up  tearing you down. Sometimes if it is like this it's best to leave the marriage and rebuild. Other times it's best to communicate and tell the other how you feel or it will keep happening.

Communication is key in any relationship, don't get mad don't judge just listen to what the other one say and nine times out of ten it will make it better.

Love... Never do this...

If you have kids with someone don't marry them for the kids marry them because you love them. Never just marry a person just to be marrying there is a special someone for you.
If you don't trust them don't marry them just yet wait till you know them for sure
If they abuse you and don't love you then LEAVE DON'T STAY. Leave because they don't deserve your love they don't even deserve you they just break you and break you and abuse you and you don't deserve that no matter how many times you feel you do you don't you are more than that. You are a human being not an object where they can just  beat on when ever they want or when something is wrong. Go live your life and don't be afraid of them don't be afraid just go. You deserve more than they show or give.

Talk it out and try to work it out but if it doesn't work then its best to leave but sometimes talking does help out more than you believe.

Bruises that will never heal...

I'm broken and torn, the promises we once had made are somewhat broken..
The trust is here...
The repeat of the same questions makes me question if you trust me.. The way you make me feel when your depression hits makes me feel low like I'm worthless and nobody
My depression hits and I hardly shown it till now
The arguments over nothing except what you told me you'd do is making me wonder.
I love you
The pain from my surgery is still here I can barely move and eat
My depression is hitting worst than ever
My bruises are still sore the pain I feel takes over me
Sometimes I don't wanna be held I just wanna be here... I wanna cry but I'm trying to be strong.
I love you so much that I don't wanna lose you over anything. I'm trying to cope but it's hard. I'm trying to smile but it hurts everything hurts.

Broken promises

Promises are easily broken… Dream can end up never to come true and then it all falls apart…. even thing can be broken... trust and all words can cut like glass and end up hurt, happiness just seems like an illusion it doesn't seem real. 

Love...

Love can be the greatest thing in the world or it can be the most painfullest thing ever.
Love has a lot of trust that needs to be builded but when its broken down it takes a while
 to gain it back. There is lots of things that need to happen in a relationship to even be classified as a relationship because it is a commitment either way you go at it. You date a person to marry. If they don't tell you everything then you barely know them and at times it will end up tearing you apart and wrecking everything you've tried to work to keep together. Let the person know how you feel and everything before so they know how to handle it and take it. Don't try to hide it and then let them find out. It destroys their trust along with everything they've tried to keep and work so hard for.
One more thing don't say things you never mean and never I mean never hurt them always try to protect them don't let them slip through your fingertips because you probably will never get them back and they probably will never trust you.

Fella's buy your girl things, take her out treat her like a queen and talk about your feelings and everything let it all come out, let them know what you really think and how you feel.

Ladies tell your fellas how you feel, don't hide anything, treat them like a king and always try to help them during their weakest moment.

LOVE WILL NEVER WORK IF YOU DON'T WORK TOGETHER.. IT WILL JUST FAIL AND MAKE EVERYTHING COLLAPSE AND ALL FALL APART. ~ I know for experience

Empty Shell Poem

Alone.. broken... empty
Nothing but emotions
bundling up and hitting me
nothing but tiredness and
stress nothing at all
my feelings hurt
my emotions are
trying to show
I'm lost.. confused
hurt and broken
my life is coming
together and the truth
is out, along with the
air that is clear...everything
is coming to light from the
dark everything is coming
undone and being put back
like stitches.. the stitches
only hurt for a while but in
the end it gets put back together
hoping it one day will heal
and never be broken again...
again... is a strong word
just like love and trust
just like the words that
are taken to heart that
makes you whole or
makes you crumble
as you sit there trying to
stay strong and hold it all
it tears you apart limb from
limb as you try to walk away
you slowly turn to dust and fade
just as if your just a memory alone
with being a broken empty shell.

Alone...

Do you know what it feels like when your alone.... Everything hits you all at once....Everything feels like its your fault... your depression hits you so hard that you cry at the littlest thing.... Have you ever felt alone, like no one will ever understand even if you tried to explain it but words just won't come out and they can't express the way you feel? Have you ever tried to talk but the tears kept rolling and coming down your face and nothing comes out but the sounds of cries that you've been trying to hold back but it's to much so they just show on their own and the only thing that comes out of your mouth is that weird sound that comes from your throat because all the tears have you choked up and you just wanna let it all go and watch it destory itself and you like it did on the inside.

Postpartum Depression

This sucks. You break down over everything, nothing is normal, it all is flying by me. I can't hold on I can't control anything its all just passing my by. I wanna break down but I can't fully do that, I feel like everything is my fault.. like I'm to blame... I'm broken.. I'm crumbling...

Drowning in my tears

I'm drowning in my tears
I've cried so much I can not see
it all hurts
everything hurts
it feels broken
I can't put it back
together it keeps
cracking, falling, breaking
I can't reach
its to far to grab
its falling and falling
I'm falling and falling
down... more and more
everything is spinning
spinning out of control
nothing to hold on to
nothing to grab
it's all fading away
like there is nothing
left... left of me
I am broken in to pieces
crying the last of my tears
trying to put it all together...
me all together....