Empty Promises

 After awhile, a person becomes numb to empty promises. When a person say and promises they are going to do something but they end up not doing it and your expectations lowers and lowers every promise that they do not do, you end up getting use to them saying they are going to do it and end up doing nothing in which you end up getting your hopes up and end up being crushed making it so you have to end up doing it and making plans of having to fix what they said they were going to do. 

Another thing is being said but it is so empty. Getting fed up with everything and eventually you end up taking over and trying to do everything without letting the other know until it is done because expecting them to do it just makes you feel empty. 

Having expectations of a person or the man of the house just for them to not even hold their weight but come up with every excuse and reason why they shouldn't while you juggle 36 different things from your kids, to bills to making sure the house is good to making sure your health is good to making sure everything is working great and correctly to making sure that everything is working and going smoothly and if something happens you end up trying to fix it. 

This causes a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of silent cries and just a lot of strain on your body and health trying to be this picture perfect but in reality it just tears you down to the point you no longer want to do it anymore. 

You no longer want to be in a marriage where everything looks great with a fake smile juggling everything including the empty promises and emotions along with the weight of the man or woman you supposedly love who promised to do everything they can and said they would but only does the bare minimum or none at all leaving it all for you to end up doing because we all know they are not. 

This can be projected on men or it can be projected on women. This can be a perspective of anyone because anyone can leave broken promises. I know this feeling all to well and honestly, it is a tiring feeling. I done cried all the tears I can along with I done tried, I done screamed, I done showed so much how it bothers me just for nothing to happen but the excuse of I'm to tired or I'll do it later and it gets done months later with the "I forgot." even though I just brought it up and brought it up again and don't let me say I have to do something because it turns into they will do it and guess what, the same thing happens. 

My life sucks sometimes

My life sucks and I cannot do anything to change it due to being sick and I hate it! I can never do any of the things I want to do. I cannot find a job, I cannot work, I stay in pain and now I am throwing up and drained.

 I am tired of believing that something is going to work out when it feels like for the past 8 years it is not. It is like all my hopes and dreams flopped no matter how hard I chased them. My blogs hardly gets views and it doesn't matter what I write about. 

The YouTube was at 93 subs then dropped and then went back to 90 subs but to get partnered its 1000 watch hours. The twitch hardly ever gets any views and barely gets subs, cheers or bits. I basically tried everything I can to get somewhere in life but being sick is finally taking a toll and pushing everything and stressing me to the point. 

I tell my husband all of this asking what are we going to do and all he says is he will figure it out and basically does nothing to help comfort or even bother until I start crying and fussing and yelling and it has been 8 years and months and months and now I am sick... and it is like he does the bare minimum and I am oh so tired of it.

I wanted a home of our own, we didn't get that. I wanted to take zoo trips, beach trips, travel with the kids, make memories and we don't even do that. This is not the life I expected to be living at the age of 26. 

I had so much more that I wanted to do but all I get is an I will work on it, I will find something, I will figure it out. It has been 8 years, I asked you to do something months ago and you still haven't done it.  I am honestly tired of expecting you to do something and won't do it.

 I am tired of being sick and having to depend on you to do things just for it not to be done.

I made myself so many promises that I basically broke them all. 

The links to twitch, youtube, etc

Sick of the lies

 I'm sick of the lies...

I'm sick of you saying you'll do something but weeks and months go by and you never do it. I'm sick of living the way we live.

I'm so tired of it all and I don't want to keep living like this. You never keep your word but you want me to and I'm sick of it. 

Almost 8 years and it's the same thing but this time worst and I'm sick of it. 

You say you will find work but no you don't. You said things will be different. I am work myself to death. I'm writing blogs, I'm affiliate marketing, I'm working Clickworker, I'm streaming on twitch making YouTube videos it's always me and never you.

 I work on the shops and everything else trying to support the kids while you do the bare minimum but expect me to be happy and then, if I make friends I with anyone you are kind of controlling worried if I am going to leave you for them and I am sick of that also. I'm done with it all

I'm suffering from PCOS and worrying everyday and suffer from the pain and sickness but you do nothing but sit in the chair and I'm tired of it. 

You can sleep all day close to it and won't really clean the house while you tell me you got it and rest but no, I get up and walk though I hear you let the foot rest down and then when I walk back you put it back up.

Your game is suppose to come out in March - April and you don't even work on it anymore. 

I just cannot do this anymore and I'm tired of it. My birthday is 1-27 and I bet you got me the same thing as you did last year...nothing. How about Christmas where I bought my own? I don't get cute gifts, I don't get trips, I don't get anything really. What is it like? Having someone buy you random things just because? I don't get that...

It would be nice

It would be nice to get gifts like others in relationships. It would be nice to get flowers oh just because you thought of me. I don't know what that feels like. I don't even know what getting gifts feel like anymore. My birthdays have passed, anniversaries have passed, Christmas has passed and is coming again and I by my own gifts... I don't get anything from the thought that counts, it is me buying my own. 

I got yelled at and screamed at within the 1st 3 years of us being together and now it has been 7 things are okay but not the greatest. 

I no longer expect anything because the years that you gave me were not the greatest but it would be nice. 

I have been trying to find a job to support the family because every time I ask you to do it, you as what kind and then don't. Everything I ask you to do you don't and I am tired of it. I am so exhausted that I am no longer doing this anymore. It is no longer fun but more of a chore. I am not happy with this and I am tired of running myself into the ground. 

This is not how it suppose to be and I will no longer continue to live like this, I am not your captive. So, I am letting you go.

Marriage and relationships

 

Marriage and relationships are commitment. It is loving each other unconditionally through the ups and downs. It is being there for one another when things are not looking up and helping them. It is not a one sided thing. It is 50/50. Their problems are your problems and your problems are theirs. 

If you are not ready for commitment and helping each other of if you are to busy to notice when the other person needs you and is struggling while you are out doing your own thing, let the person go. It is not worth them wasting their time, love, care and drowning in issues expecting you to come along and help them when in actuality you're not going to. 

If someone else has your attention let the person you are holding on to go so that they can find someone that is for them instead of being led on thinking that you actually want them and want to spend your life with them. 

People who genuinely cares and loves you ends up planning their whole life with you. They want to experience it all with you but if you don't want to spend your life with them and be everything they need in life and all you do make excuses all the time, blame, assume accuse them and make them feel less than a person, you don't deserve them and they do not deserve the treatment that you put them through. 

They deserve better, they deserve to be loved and be cherished. They do not deserve to suffer from you because you aren't ready. They do not deserve to be broken because you are broken, have trust issues, jealousy, narcist, Stockholm syndrome, have been called out and confronted because you are doing things that they know you are doing but you are trying to pretend you're not doing it and try to make it seem like the person is crazy and keep throwing off on them because you do not want to admit the truth.

 Gut feelings never lie. Trust me, we can tell when something isn't right and things are off. 

Sometimes we just let it go until we can no longer take it and other times we try to handle it right on the spot. Just sit back and watch, karma is quick. 

No longer happy...

 I am no longer happy in my life. I am no longer happy nor excited with the things that use to excite me and make me happy.

I cannot even fake it like I am anymore. I'm so exhausted and stressed that I'm tired. I have been looking for jobs trying to do everything I can from blogging, affiliate marketing and so much more.

 I exhausted myself helping others that I no longer want to help anyone. I no longer sleep at night because all the anxiety that I feel happens the most when I try to lay down and rest. The thoughts are horrible, the panic attacks suck and the seizures are the worst.

I graduated college, a course that I pushed myself though to get a certificate that I have to take a big test for but if I complete the degree program I won't so I decided to go back to get the Bachelor degree hoping something comes from it.

I watch my dreams fall apart and never come true really. I thought I would own a home, have some land and possibly have a little farm but no it hasn't happened yet. I also wanted to travel around and visit places but no, that doesn't look like it is ever gonna happen.

We are in a three bedroom rental and there are 6 of us living in it. I'm not complaining about it as long as we have a roof over our head but I was promised we would move and never did. 

I'm just tired of the false promises that you gave me. I'm tired of you saying your going to do something and you don't at all. I'm tired of the back and forth. I'm tired of it all. 

I'm tired of the back and forth me explaining everything how I feel, what I feel and nothing gets done about it. I am tired of the yelling, I am tired of the arguments. I am tired of it all.. My mental health is no longer worth putting myself though this. 

Some how, I will change this. Some how I will change it all and become better and do better. 

Tired of living the same way

 I am tired of living the same way for about 7 years. I thought things would be better, I thought we would of gotten our own place and out of the rental but that has not happened. I not complaining about it it is better than nothing but you said we would have a place of our own.

  You even said things would be better and we would of gotten our own place but no we didn't. 

 I have continuously buss my butt with affiliate marketing and trying to make it but it is no longer working. Things have slowed down, even though I am with well over 50 different companies. I does not matter what I do nothing seems to be working. 

Christmas and birthday are on its way and the only way I feel we will get by is with my school refund. The school refunds that have gotten us this far. I transferred to a different school and now I get one if I even get one every semester which is like 4 months when and then I don't even get one. I got one in February when I started and one in May and nothing now. 

I am so tired of going through this. I even share the hell out of my stuff trying to get people to buy, I am always open about things and never lied to anyone but no you can't trust anyone online but yet these big creators are asking for money and they are willingly giving it to them. 

I am just so exhausted of this and I want a change. I feel like you don't keep your word and I have to keep forcing and pushing and reminding you but I am honestly tired of this constantly. I am tired of the saying one thing but doing another or not doing it at all until I bring it up again. 

I am so tired of this. I am tired of the constant worrying and the burnt out feeling that I have. I am tired of you saying oh your going to help me write the blogs and do things when in actuality it is me still doing it and working on everything by myself. You get upset or mad and or jealous of people that comes around and you always think I want to be with them and or leaving and I am so sick of it. The repeated questions I am also tired of them. 7 years I have stayed by your side through this... I am tired of having to find up money to afford things. 

I am tired of having to figure everything else. I ask to you multiple times to do something and it's like you won't. I want to go on a nice date, I want to be able to not have to worry about money and if the bills are going to be paid and if we are going to be able to afford things.  I am tired and burning out. I don't even want to do this anymore.

Check out the other blogs, if you buy anything from the side panels and or links it will help me out since Christmas and birthdays are coming. I also have ko-fi for this page and the gaming one. 

Ko-fi for lovely writes 

Gaming blog       Gaming ko-f here    Twitch here   YouTube here 

Adultnoveltys 18+ blog 

throsmoke blog   

My life,2022

 Christmas is on its way and I am not ready. I am normally always ready for Christmas but this year is different.

 Last year, I had money for Christmas where this year I do not since the company that I was working for decided to make it harder for their affiliates to be able to make money. 

They also pay a month behind so it. 

 The threshold for pay out is 50 dollars but if you do not hit 50 you do not get paid so you kind of get it. 

I included an image of the payments and the last time I got paid from the company. 

If anyone feels in the giving spirit, you can always tip me. It is not required but I would be very thankful! I am also looking for remote work if anyone could point the way.

I have been trying to figure things out on my own. The person that I married, made so many promises that it's to the point I am tired of hearing them and they become broken promises that are empty. I have repeatedly asked him to do things and it is like talking to a brick wall and I end up having to do them myself even though he said he would get it, don't worry but what is the point when it is me having to pull your load also because he won't. I am so tired of this, I am tired of living like this, I am tired of the unwanted stress I receive daily and it is not fair to me and my mental health to be put through this even though oh, he applied to jobs, been accepted but comes up with excuses and reasons he can't do it just like everything else. This is not fair to me.  

I have spent a lot of my time applying for jobs for him... I have spent a lot of my time worrying about bills being paid, worried about if everything is in order when he lives careless... I did not get a gift for our anniversary and most of the gifts that I got... I end up giving him money to buy or he some how got it. I don't really get Christmas.. I don't get flowers or chocolates really. I don't even get to go out on dates anymore and it sucks. 

Here are my links... to the gaming stuff https://linktr.ee/taintedlg

Here is my sextoy review blog, you can buy anything from it and I get a few dollars commission anything helps. My blogs have ads on the sides you can buy from which will also give me a few dollar commission. 

MY CASH APP 

MY VENMO 

Marriage and Clingy-ness

Lets talk about marriage and how sweet it is shall we? It's a great thing marriage is when you find the right person to confide in but now lets talk about clingy-ness the one thing that causes marriage to kind of shift away.

Clingy-ness is not good for a marriage it brings all kinds of things such as jealousy, selfishness and many other things. It can turn a beautiful process into a beautiful nightmare and tragedy.

Marriage is suppose to be built on trust but if there is no trust then guess what there is nothing there it turns into a repeating nightmare that you just want to escape from and have fears that you cannot.

You can become broken if and start to crumble as your trying to hold it all together there should never be selfishness in marriage and if there is trust then you should never have to worry if your spouse still wants you and loves you.

Being broken is hard while trying to hold up your head and make sure nothing is falling apart. It is a tough job when one person is pulling the whole thing because the other person has gave up. It can and will destroy you as a person and end up  tearing you down. Sometimes if it is like this it's best to leave the marriage and rebuild. Other times it's best to communicate and tell the other how you feel or it will keep happening.

Communication is key in any relationship, don't get mad don't judge just listen to what the other one say and nine times out of ten it will make it better.