Trying to Heal When You’re Still in Survival Mode

Healing sounds simple until you actually start doing it. Everyone says, “Just take care of yourself,” like it’s something you can magically do when life is still piling things on top of you. 

Healing is never easy once you start trying to do it. It can take a toll on you and eventually make you feel like is it really worth it? The answer is yes it is worth it. You may feel the worst going through it but once you are healed it feels like you are 10x lighter and nothing really bothers you anymore.

Healing takes time, but survival doesn’t wait.

Sometimes you’re trying to recover from the past while dealing with new stress, financial worries, health issues, family needs, and the everyday chaos life throws at you. And trying to grow while you’re still fighting to stay afloat is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do.

But here’s what I’ve learned: healing doesn’t have to look perfect. It doesn’t have to be peaceful. Sometimes healing is messy, loud, painful, and slow. Sometimes it’s choosing to rest when you feel guilty for resting. Sometimes it’s saying “no” even when people expect a “yes.” Sometimes it’s letting yourself feel emotions you’ve ignored for years.

If you’re doing your best while still in survival mode, be proud of yourself. You’re fighting battles people don’t see. And every step — even the small ones — still counts.

It is hard to let go; It's time to put you first

 

Sometimes, we encounter people in our lives and they end up making a mark on us. No matter how they do us or what they say we always will forgive them and try to be there for them even though they are never really there for us. 

It is like when we try to go no contact, when we try to distance ourself from them, unfriend them, block them or just do whatever it is to pretty much get away from them its like we can't let them go.

 We somehow wind up back in the area where we were once before and we pretty much try and try again but we end up adding them back, trying to patch things up and keep rekindling the fire because we are lonely. 

I know the feels. I know exactly what it is like to get rid of people who no longer serve a purpose to me but end up keep coming back days, months and even years because you want to catch up and feel like there's a piece of us missing or just because you need or want someone to talk to.

When in reality, if we get past the sinking lonely feeling, if we get past the feeling that you need them in your life when you really don't. 

We always bend our backs and do whatever we can for others while they do the bare minimum for us but then when we need them, they are never there. 

It's never the how are you doing but its always can you do this or that? 

It's time to put yourself first and do for you. Remove the negative people out of your life. Remove the gaslighting, remove the jealousy, remove anything and anyone that does not serve you. 

It is time for healing and removing these kinds of people will allow you to do and be better. Never stand lower than someone and remember you are not a door mat so stop allowing people to walk over you and use you.

If a person showed you who they were once, they will do it again and again.

 No one can change on the drop of a dime, it takes time and sometimes they don't even really change, they just say that and use an excuse of why and reasons. Never left a snake bite you twice. 

It is time for peace, we have been at war for so long it is time to let it all go and have peace and heal. 

We owe it to ourselves and deserve to finally be free and happy and don't say you're happy with whoever it was doing this to you because I can honestly say your going to get tired of it and snap and let it all go.

It Amazes me : The new me

It amazes me at how a person believes they can do or say anything about you and when had enough, you decide to cut all contact and delete them and then when they try to come back, they expect you to still be there and they can still treat you all kinds of ways. 

See the old me would allow them to come back thinking that they did not mean to do it. The old me would allow them to continue to walk on me like a door mat but the new me does not allow it. I know my worth and my importance. I do not need anyone in my life that will cause me to question myself.

Especially if you throw off on me and talk about me and then block my numbers and expect me to be there and accept your friend request on Xbox when you deleted me because I asked you a question which is better S or X. 

It is funny how in todays world, you expect people to be there when you are bored and lonely and want people to play with you because "You do not like to play with randoms." but you tend to talk all kinds of bad things and make it seem like you're all big and bad when you are just a random dude that tries to be cool in his 40's and do nothing but drink, smoke weed and barely pay your child support because you are to busy balling and trying to trap people with your daughter because you are trying to find her a mom. 

The old me would go back trying to help this situation but it is hard to help someone who is still trying to live in their teenage years and two decades ago. 

The new me is telling me this is not my battle and you cannot help everyone especially someone who is just going to mooch off of you and pretty much take everything you have just because they have nothing for themselves but yet want you to feel bad. 

The new me has been through the riddles and tricks for far to long and has decided even though they knocked on that door, to not answer it. I learned not to answer all doors that are knocked on because I refuse to go down that old road or path.

 I refuse to allow old access and or connections that are just going to belittle me and talk about me and be jealous. The old me would feel bad but the new me is pushing it off and not opening up so easily. If they were meant to be in my life, first off they would not do what they did and secondly, the would still be here. 

I am finally healing and moving on past the things that use to hurt me or keep me. I am moving past trying to help people that want to use you because they have nothing better to do. 

Self Care

You have to make yourself happy. You have to focus on yourself. You cannot make everyone happy it will end up causing you your peace and hurting you, taking your joy and just so much more things you do not deserve. 

You have to focus on you and yourself and not worry about things on the outside. People will come and go and many will use you to get what they want and need and then disappear. 

You are not a door mat so do not let them use you as one. You have feelings also and if they do not consider you and how you feel then they are not for you. A person that is for you will care for your well being and not just themselves.

Focus on your mental health and be sure you are okay. Take care of yourself and be sure that you are doing the things that you want to do, things that will make you happy and not wear yourself down trying to please everyone else. You cannot please everyone so please yourself. 

Heal yourself from everyone and things that broke you or you will end up breaking others around you and be sure that you love yourself, give yourself the time to heal and fix yourself before finding someone to love, this will help you not mess up but you can always heal with others if need be as long as you find someone who understands you and is willing to help you. 

Healing yourself before jumping into another relationship will allow you to get rid of the excess baggage and will allow you to start over with the person but if you do not feel ready, do not jump and just wait until you are ready. Sometimes being alone is best. 

It is not selfish to take care of yourself and say no to people, it is all about you and what you want not them. 

Narcissist Toxic Love

 Sometimes it is best to let a person go to regain yourself. To heal yourself from all the trauma that they caused and everything that you have been going through. 

They showed you how they are, they showed their motives, who they are, what they do. They showed how they hurt you and can flip the script to become the victim and blame you for everything and came up with excuses and reasons and lies trying to trap you and control you. 

They even brought up being suicidal and going to end it multiple times if you leave. They even leave and tell you they didn't leave but you know they did. They lie about everything and could even be cheating on you and you would never know.

 This is guilt tripping trying to keep you in a place where you don't want to be but you stay because you are scared. Don't be scared. Leave them because it is not worth it. 

This type of relationship and people are toxic. They depend on you and make you miserable trying to stay and keep them happy all while they are trying to control, manipulate and use you. They don't care as long as you keep giving.

 They will also throw up they love you, they care about you in reality they don't care about you only what you can do for them. 

They will also say you don't care and love them once you catch on and realize how they are doing you. This is what narcissist behavior is. This is abuse to you, your love and time. Don't think you can fix them because you cannot. They will only hurt you and tear you down and rebuild you to the way they want you to be. 

And if you think your stupid for loving a person like this. You are not. You are brave for trying but it's time for you to heal and grow. 

Give yourself time, care, and love and heal yourself from it all. Your going to be working on soul work that comes from the core but to do this you have to get rid of the negative people and things in life and surround yourself with positive. 

People will only do what you allow so be careful.

Meditation and healing to all.