You're so insecure

 

You're so insecure about yourself that you basically reflect it on me. You are so insecure that you have to ask me if you penis size is big enough or that you have to make sure that I am not leaving because of everything that you did and honestly I am sick and tired of you asking me the same questions everyday.

 It has been a up and down thing for 8 years and I am tired of it. Everyday I have to ask the same question and its old. I am tired of answering it. I am tired of it all. You're so worried about someone else and others around that you are starting to seem like a narcissist. 

It's like I don't even get time to myself, I can't even go to the bathroom without you being on top of me and I need my space to breathe.  You bring up you always let me go with you but I need my space, you are crowding me and I want my personal time but it is like I cannot have that and I want that. 

Everyday since being sick, I asked you to do things but you still sit in the chair and do the bare minimum. I have asked you to do things months ago and it is still not done so apparently you are worried about me leaving but won't even do the things I asked you to do. 

Yeah, you always want something from me, but you barely do anything but get mad when I call you out on it for lying... this no longer makes me happy... 

LET GO! SOMETIMES IT'S BEST!

 Sometimes, it is best to let go of those you love but you can tell that they don't love you by the way they act and treating you.

They act like you are always going to be there, call you names, treat you horribly, say things you want to hear but none of it is true all while treating your like you barely exist and or a second opinion. 

They believe they can treat you any kind of way and manipulate you until you finally have had enough and leave. That is where the shocker becomes to them, they think you would never leave and you believe everything that they say.  They will make it seem like you are the bad guy and try everything to make you feel like you did something and make you feel worthless when in actuality you are not worthless and you have done nothing wrong. 

It is all them trying to manipulate you into thinking this and they will end up making it seem like no one wants you and try to keep you away from your friends and family but this is not true it is a ploy so they can keep you to themselves without having eyes and having those that care about you tell you what they are doing and try to intervene in the "relationship" in anyway. 

A way to spot this is by the way they sound and the tone that they use when you are going out with friends and family and or them getting mad and jealous over you when you decide to do something for yourself. 

A healthy relationship will not have the jealousy or will try to keep you to themselves, they will allow your friends and family to be around and not try to manipulate you into thinking anything bad or feeling any kind of way other than happy and loved. 

If you feel you are taking so much out of you time worried about what others are doing to the point you are "stalking" them because they deleted you or you deleted them because of the consequence of their actions and threating you horribly. 

Don't put yourself through this. It will hurt but it is best to let go and move on and start living to yourself because eventually the right person will come along and help you and love you the way you will need to be loved without hesitation and the lying and everything else the prier relationship has caused and as always talk to your partner, give boundaries and let them know everything that you been through and open up to them because sometimes that is what we need to do for those to understand us and our journey. 

Sometimes its best to let family go also, they do not see the best for you and only will make you miserable because you are doing things you want to and living your life all while they are miserable themselves.

Also, let go of the past, the past is not the present, use the past as a lesson and continue to move on. The past also does not define who you are so let it go. The past only made you stronger so do not let it hold you back. 

This is not a relationship, It is captivity

 

If a person is doing nothing but making excuses and trying to make you feel bad about yourself, they are not into you and they are not for you. A person who loves you and is into you would never try to make you feel bad and will always do things for you. 

They will not mouth off, make you question things, act like they love you for you when actuality you are not their type and blame you for everything and make excuses and give you reasons that are not even true of why they do things. 

They will not leave you on a cliff hanger and tell you all the things that you want to hear just to keep you dragging along behind them. Don't worry they are good at saying everyone else is doing things when it is them and try to manipulate you into believing them. 

They won't give you any attention and make it seem like it is your fault when you have not done anything to them nor to deserve this. They would rather give their attention to everyone else besides you and when you ask or want to talk about it, they will get mad and tell you not to bother them and makes up reasons and excuses but when you finally get tired, had enough and leave, then they will come back complaining, talking about they do love you, they do miss you when actually they only miss the things you did and the company that you gave them. 

They don't care about you, it is all a game to them. No matter how many times they seem to want to fix it, they really don't. They just want to get what they can get from you and use you to the point that you break and you cannot even heal yourself, nor recognize what is going on.

Narcissist Toxic Love

 Sometimes it is best to let a person go to regain yourself. To heal yourself from all the trauma that they caused and everything that you have been going through. 

They showed you how they are, they showed their motives, who they are, what they do. They showed how they hurt you and can flip the script to become the victim and blame you for everything and came up with excuses and reasons and lies trying to trap you and control you. 

They even brought up being suicidal and going to end it multiple times if you leave. They even leave and tell you they didn't leave but you know they did. They lie about everything and could even be cheating on you and you would never know.

 This is guilt tripping trying to keep you in a place where you don't want to be but you stay because you are scared. Don't be scared. Leave them because it is not worth it. 

This type of relationship and people are toxic. They depend on you and make you miserable trying to stay and keep them happy all while they are trying to control, manipulate and use you. They don't care as long as you keep giving.

 They will also throw up they love you, they care about you in reality they don't care about you only what you can do for them. 

They will also say you don't care and love them once you catch on and realize how they are doing you. This is what narcissist behavior is. This is abuse to you, your love and time. Don't think you can fix them because you cannot. They will only hurt you and tear you down and rebuild you to the way they want you to be. 

And if you think your stupid for loving a person like this. You are not. You are brave for trying but it's time for you to heal and grow. 

Give yourself time, care, and love and heal yourself from it all. Your going to be working on soul work that comes from the core but to do this you have to get rid of the negative people and things in life and surround yourself with positive. 

People will only do what you allow so be careful.

Meditation and healing to all. 

 

Why does apologies mean nothing?

Apologies mean nothing if nothing changes. If it keeps happening over and over and over and you bring up points and try to explain and point out what's happening and what's going wrong and ways that you can fix it and they don't even put in the effort to fix it but keep saying sorry but it keeps happening then they aren't trying to fix it. They are saying sorry to get you to hush about it and stop bring it up cause they don't want to deal with it. 

They will blame you, make excuses on why they can't do something or why it keeps happening and it is just going to be a huge loop over and over and over and eventually you will become tired of it draining you mentally and physically and then you will end up having to figure out how to escape and when you try to, they will make it seem like everything is your fault and get mad because you can see right through them and see through everything they told you and all kinds of things that don't add up.  You can confront them about it but they will call you names and then give you reasons and just be the ultimately shitty person. 

They will try fill you in with sappy things to make it seem like they are genuine then switch up on you and keep doing it over and over again and no they are not sorry and they don't mean the apology. They will just keep doing it over and over again just to try to keep you trap so they can continue to break you down and take your happiness from you make it feel like you are the one in the wrong that you are worthless and oh you can't have fun without them. They will also tell all their friends and those around you that its your fault and you did it all and they won't even tell them what they did for the reaction. They will isolate you and make you feel alone and like they are the only thing that is good for you. 

Be careful with these kinds of people. It can only get worst and it totally does. While your trying to get them to talk to you while they are busy entertaining other people and giving you reasons and excuses of why they are doing something and why they won't talk to you but blame you for the reaction that you are giving because they basically made you the way you are and the cold hearted person you became because you did nothing but gave them time, care, love, compassion, made sure to make them a priority  in your life all while they pick and choose when to make you one in theirs and then can't even give you a full good 5 minutes before having to jump into a game or talk to someone else but you be sure to quickly reply before they get mad all while they don't even reply for 10-30 minutes later and sometimes hours or even the next day.

 Oh they will also blame a mental illness and do everything they said they can't do with you with someone else and then say they will unalive themselves if you call them out or confront them about it and then say you make them depressed and all kinds of things but then they will also blame it on something or someone else and if you do something then they will say its you who causes them depression and hurt them when in actuality they are doing it and reflecting it to make it seem like you are doing it. 

Yeah if your relationship is like this. It is defiantly not a relationship they are just keeping you there to keep using your energy, joy, love and care and time so you can't find anyone else and they can make it feel like you are the only one and they are the only one for you when in actuality they are playing your feelings like a fool and they don't care about you nor your time nor love they only care about what you can give.