It has gotten old...

 

The repeating myself has gotten old. 

The me expecting you to do something has gotten old.

Me explaining my stress, worries and fears seems to do nothing until I start crying and screaming at the top of my lungs for you to do something because I am sick and tired of living like this. I am tired of you saying you'll do it and you'll get it done and you fail to do it. 

I am so tired of this.

You said it wouldn't be like this and I believe you... That was my fault for believing you that you are actually going to do something. 

My expectations were always to high for you. It's like you have taken me for a joke and don't even act like my cares, my fears, or anything I want mattered. 

The stress that I feel daily is getting old... 

I have lived far to long like this and I am not living like this anymore. I am going to start doing things on my own and not depend on you because it doesn't matter, the responsibility that you were suppose to take as a man, as a provider, your not doing it but making excuses and I am no longer listening to them.

I'm sick of the back and forth and yelling, I am sick of it all. I'm so tired and I do not want to continue to live this way. 

Tired of living the same way

 I am tired of living the same way for about 7 years. I thought things would be better, I thought we would of gotten our own place and out of the rental but that has not happened. I not complaining about it it is better than nothing but you said we would have a place of our own.

  You even said things would be better and we would of gotten our own place but no we didn't. 

 I have continuously buss my butt with affiliate marketing and trying to make it but it is no longer working. Things have slowed down, even though I am with well over 50 different companies. I does not matter what I do nothing seems to be working. 

Christmas and birthday are on its way and the only way I feel we will get by is with my school refund. The school refunds that have gotten us this far. I transferred to a different school and now I get one if I even get one every semester which is like 4 months when and then I don't even get one. I got one in February when I started and one in May and nothing now. 

I am so tired of going through this. I even share the hell out of my stuff trying to get people to buy, I am always open about things and never lied to anyone but no you can't trust anyone online but yet these big creators are asking for money and they are willingly giving it to them. 

I am just so exhausted of this and I want a change. I feel like you don't keep your word and I have to keep forcing and pushing and reminding you but I am honestly tired of this constantly. I am tired of the saying one thing but doing another or not doing it at all until I bring it up again. 

I am so tired of this. I am tired of the constant worrying and the burnt out feeling that I have. I am tired of you saying oh your going to help me write the blogs and do things when in actuality it is me still doing it and working on everything by myself. You get upset or mad and or jealous of people that comes around and you always think I want to be with them and or leaving and I am so sick of it. The repeated questions I am also tired of them. 7 years I have stayed by your side through this... I am tired of having to find up money to afford things. 

I am tired of having to figure everything else. I ask to you multiple times to do something and it's like you won't. I want to go on a nice date, I want to be able to not have to worry about money and if the bills are going to be paid and if we are going to be able to afford things.  I am tired and burning out. I don't even want to do this anymore.

Check out the other blogs, if you buy anything from the side panels and or links it will help me out since Christmas and birthdays are coming. I also have ko-fi for this page and the gaming one. 

Ko-fi for lovely writes 

Gaming blog       Gaming ko-f here    Twitch here   YouTube here 

Adultnoveltys 18+ blog 

throsmoke blog   

A good heart

 Having a good heart is troublesome for many people in may different ways. We tend worry, care and love a lot and try to help everyone and be there for people no matter what. They can do us any kind of way and we still try to be there for them. It's like we feel we have to help them. We have to be there for them. They will feed you a story and make you believe it and it makes you feel like you have to help them because they are alone from what they told you. Because everyone leaves you and no one cares about them and they have no one. This is what they make you believe. 

This is the story they will tell you to make you stay to manipulate you because you have a heart of gold and they want to keep you to themselves. They will make it seem like you are the crazy one when you start realizing what they are doing and telling people about them and confronting them about it. They are good at flipping the script and projecting themselves on to you.

Eventually you'll get tired and drained from it and you eventually drop all contact and communication and it will hurt but it's the only form of peace you get. You will have to heal and rebuild yourself from this and occasionally you will start wondering if you don't wrong and how to fix it and you think you can fix and help them but truthfully you cannot only they can. You will wear yourself down and out trying to help someone who doesn't wanna be helped. 

I'm Tired!!! HELLO DO YOU UNDERSTAND???

Repeating repeating repeating, am I the only one, do you love me, I am the only one you want, you don't want anyone else but me right?

Being watched over my should like I'm 12, are you talking about me, what are you talking about with them? I'm the only one right?

Constant, constant constantly being told I don't walk to you or tell you how I feel because you get mad. I don't even get mad its all you!

Constantly getting mad when I try to say how I feel. Repeating myself over and over and over and over again like a broken record player.

Getting to the point I'm tired of fussing and arguing and being blamed!

Get yourself together we've been together almost 4 years been married one and it's like a one man relationship at times!

STOP FOCUSING ON YOURSELF AND START FOCUSING ON YOUR FAMILY !!!

SELFISHNESS GETS YOU NOWHERE AND YOU WILL END UP ALONE!!!