No longer happy...

 I am no longer happy in my life. I am no longer happy nor excited with the things that use to excite me and make me happy.

I cannot even fake it like I am anymore. I'm so exhausted and stressed that I'm tired. I have been looking for jobs trying to do everything I can from blogging, affiliate marketing and so much more.

 I exhausted myself helping others that I no longer want to help anyone. I no longer sleep at night because all the anxiety that I feel happens the most when I try to lay down and rest. The thoughts are horrible, the panic attacks suck and the seizures are the worst.

I graduated college, a course that I pushed myself though to get a certificate that I have to take a big test for but if I complete the degree program I won't so I decided to go back to get the Bachelor degree hoping something comes from it.

I watch my dreams fall apart and never come true really. I thought I would own a home, have some land and possibly have a little farm but no it hasn't happened yet. I also wanted to travel around and visit places but no, that doesn't look like it is ever gonna happen.

We are in a three bedroom rental and there are 6 of us living in it. I'm not complaining about it as long as we have a roof over our head but I was promised we would move and never did. 

I'm just tired of the false promises that you gave me. I'm tired of you saying your going to do something and you don't at all. I'm tired of the back and forth. I'm tired of it all. 

I'm tired of the back and forth me explaining everything how I feel, what I feel and nothing gets done about it. I am tired of the yelling, I am tired of the arguments. I am tired of it all.. My mental health is no longer worth putting myself though this. 

Some how, I will change this. Some how I will change it all and become better and do better. 

Student loan debt

They are talking about canceling student loan debt from $10,000 to $20,000 and I feel that would be a great thing. I say this because not only do I owe $35,000+ dollars but with a family and trying to live and trying to find a stable job or some kind of better income and wanting to continue my dreams and get my degree eventually it's hard.

I couldn't even get my transcript from one university due to I owe them $3,750 for classes I told them to drop me from but they refused to they ended up sending that bill to a collection agency because they sent my Financial aid back to the government. The collection agency in which I paid a little on when I could pay it sent the collection bill back to the school due to I didn't answer their calls and I even told them my situation on why I couldn't pay it. I then ended up switch schools without my transcripts and I still don't have them and probably never will. It would be nice to have it though. 

 Life is hard living with minimum wage and not getting paid due to commission based jobs and struggling to survive it's hard. It is hard as an affiliate marketer.

 I know others owe it also and cannot pay it off due to living day to day and getting pay check to paycheck. In my opinion just like elementary, middle and high school, higher education should be free. 

I don't think it's right making people pay for higher education. They say you can pay it off within 6 months after finishing but most people cannot land a job in the career path that they went to college for. 

Some people are paying the bare minimum and some people cannot afford to even pay the other bills and make sure the house is taken care of and it sucks. 

If you cannot pay for it. It will go to an collections even though they say it won't. It will and then it will drop and lower your credit score. 

College is a good thing and all but sometimes people who work so hard for their degree doesn't go into the job career they studied for. They have to work some kind of low minimum wage job and that's not right.

 They basically paid and are paying all that money for college and not even using their degree but trying to make it. I hope they make it and get everything that they were after. 

Life is not fair, people aren't fair. This debt that people get into trying to get a better life is definitely not fair so let's end and cancel student debt.

Being a mom in college

College is difficult when you have 2 kids. It is also difficult when you are trying to rest after getting surgery. I had a C-section December 27th, I got to leave on December 29th. Things are straining us. We are struggling to pay bills. My birthday is January 27th. I don't want to celebrate it I am to weak and tired and hurting. I just want to not be stressed. I want to be able to pay my bill and that will be fine with me. I haven't got a gift for my birthday in about 3 years. I haven't got a cake in God knows when. This is tough. I can't even hold my 1 year old because he is to heavy. I can barely hold myself up to walk, my husband has to help me walk because I cannot. He is also in school and tending to our kids and me all at the sametime and I know he's worried and stressed and I just want to be able to help. I just want to get better and be stressed free.


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