It has gotten old...

 

The repeating myself has gotten old. 

The me expecting you to do something has gotten old.

Me explaining my stress, worries and fears seems to do nothing until I start crying and screaming at the top of my lungs for you to do something because I am sick and tired of living like this. I am tired of you saying you'll do it and you'll get it done and you fail to do it. 

I am so tired of this.

You said it wouldn't be like this and I believe you... That was my fault for believing you that you are actually going to do something. 

My expectations were always to high for you. It's like you have taken me for a joke and don't even act like my cares, my fears, or anything I want mattered. 

The stress that I feel daily is getting old... 

I have lived far to long like this and I am not living like this anymore. I am going to start doing things on my own and not depend on you because it doesn't matter, the responsibility that you were suppose to take as a man, as a provider, your not doing it but making excuses and I am no longer listening to them.

I'm sick of the back and forth and yelling, I am sick of it all. I'm so tired and I do not want to continue to live this way. 

My life,2022

 Christmas is on its way and I am not ready. I am normally always ready for Christmas but this year is different.

 Last year, I had money for Christmas where this year I do not since the company that I was working for decided to make it harder for their affiliates to be able to make money. 

They also pay a month behind so it. 

 The threshold for pay out is 50 dollars but if you do not hit 50 you do not get paid so you kind of get it. 

I included an image of the payments and the last time I got paid from the company. 

If anyone feels in the giving spirit, you can always tip me. It is not required but I would be very thankful! I am also looking for remote work if anyone could point the way.

I have been trying to figure things out on my own. The person that I married, made so many promises that it's to the point I am tired of hearing them and they become broken promises that are empty. I have repeatedly asked him to do things and it is like talking to a brick wall and I end up having to do them myself even though he said he would get it, don't worry but what is the point when it is me having to pull your load also because he won't. I am so tired of this, I am tired of living like this, I am tired of the unwanted stress I receive daily and it is not fair to me and my mental health to be put through this even though oh, he applied to jobs, been accepted but comes up with excuses and reasons he can't do it just like everything else. This is not fair to me.  

I have spent a lot of my time applying for jobs for him... I have spent a lot of my time worrying about bills being paid, worried about if everything is in order when he lives careless... I did not get a gift for our anniversary and most of the gifts that I got... I end up giving him money to buy or he some how got it. I don't really get Christmas.. I don't get flowers or chocolates really. I don't even get to go out on dates anymore and it sucks. 

Here are my links... to the gaming stuff https://linktr.ee/taintedlg

Here is my sextoy review blog, you can buy anything from it and I get a few dollars commission anything helps. My blogs have ads on the sides you can buy from which will also give me a few dollar commission. 

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