I'm going back into photography

 Nature photography is an art that many people enjoy and appreciate. It's a great way to connect with nature, capture the beauty of the world around us, and share our passions with others. However, as with any art form, it can be challenging to acquire the necessary tools and equipment to bring our visions to life. One such tool is the lens - a vital component in the world of photography that can help us capture breathtaking landscapes and majestic wildlife. But with so many options available, it can be difficult to know which lens to choose. And with the rising costs of equipment and supplies, it can be a real challenge to afford the high-quality lenses we need to enhance our photography. That's why I'm asking for your support in helping me purchase a lens that will take my nature photography to the next level. Whether you're a fellow nature lover or simply appreciate the beauty of the world around us, I believe this lens will make an incredible difference in the quality and creativity of my photography. With your generous donation, I'll be able to share my passion and showcase the stunning beauty of nature with others. Thank you for your help in making my dream of nature photography a reality.

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Doctors

 Doctors who lie on their paperwork just to make them look good like they actually did something when they basically tell you plain out that they aren't going to do what they are suppose to do. I went to the endocrinologist today for a hormone check and she didn't. 

She rather me sit there and listen to her to go on about how my weight is the cause of diabetes and insulin resistance when I don't have neither of them. She would not listen to me but kept wanting to talk about her agenda. 

I have been puking my guts out and having diarrhea for the last 3 months pain included and all I wanted was my hormones checked for my PCOS but no, she said she wasn't going to. So I asked her why am I here for then and left. 

She kept bringing up my weight when none of my other doctors are saying a thing about it. She kept saying diabetes and insulin resistance when all my blood work came back okay. 

I basically have had enough with this. Hospitals and my PCP do not know what's going on to cause this and I have an GI appointment tomorrow but I am going to another hospital that basically is known to figure things out before any of the others.

 The GI doctor basically has an idea of what is causing everything but she cannot officially rule it until I get the colonoscopy done and the Endoscopy done to be sure she knows what she is looking at.

Sickness sucks (update)

 Being sick sucks, I cannot work in this condition and I am doing everything that I can think of to make money not only to get me to and from the appointments that I need but just incase there are other things that I am needing from medications to certain foods.

 I cannot really eat without being in extremes amounts of pain and puking. The puke is clear at times but mucus and it tastes of bile. Sometimes it is yellow. The pain is on my sides, my pancreas area, my back and stomach. 

I get so weak with headaches and just achy all over. I have started to swell and it hurts to bend.

I have an GI appointment and a CT scan to basically tell if there is a stone stuck in my tubing of where my gallbladder use to be. My Primary care believes it is a stone and I can actually feel something sharp in that area just going over it.

I did the H pylori test and so far it is negative but having to wait 7 days for an actuate answer.

Below is my links and my other blog about gaming and another one about adult novelty reviews.

Just to let everyone know, these blogs do not have AdSense due to reasons so a lot of them are affiliate marketing ads where I do not get paid unless something is bought in which with me being sick, I can not really do much nor promote them. I do not even want to sit in my chair at my desk to write anything at the moment. 

My linktree

My gaming blog 

The hidden room reviews

My life sucks sometimes

My life sucks and I cannot do anything to change it due to being sick and I hate it! I can never do any of the things I want to do. I cannot find a job, I cannot work, I stay in pain and now I am throwing up and drained.

 I am tired of believing that something is going to work out when it feels like for the past 8 years it is not. It is like all my hopes and dreams flopped no matter how hard I chased them. My blogs hardly gets views and it doesn't matter what I write about. 

The YouTube was at 93 subs then dropped and then went back to 90 subs but to get partnered its 1000 watch hours. The twitch hardly ever gets any views and barely gets subs, cheers or bits. I basically tried everything I can to get somewhere in life but being sick is finally taking a toll and pushing everything and stressing me to the point. 

I tell my husband all of this asking what are we going to do and all he says is he will figure it out and basically does nothing to help comfort or even bother until I start crying and fussing and yelling and it has been 8 years and months and months and now I am sick... and it is like he does the bare minimum and I am oh so tired of it.

I wanted a home of our own, we didn't get that. I wanted to take zoo trips, beach trips, travel with the kids, make memories and we don't even do that. This is not the life I expected to be living at the age of 26. 

I had so much more that I wanted to do but all I get is an I will work on it, I will find something, I will figure it out. It has been 8 years, I asked you to do something months ago and you still haven't done it.  I am honestly tired of expecting you to do something and won't do it.

 I am tired of being sick and having to depend on you to do things just for it not to be done.

I made myself so many promises that I basically broke them all. 

The links to twitch, youtube, etc

It has gotten old...

 

The repeating myself has gotten old. 

The me expecting you to do something has gotten old.

Me explaining my stress, worries and fears seems to do nothing until I start crying and screaming at the top of my lungs for you to do something because I am sick and tired of living like this. I am tired of you saying you'll do it and you'll get it done and you fail to do it. 

I am so tired of this.

You said it wouldn't be like this and I believe you... That was my fault for believing you that you are actually going to do something. 

My expectations were always to high for you. It's like you have taken me for a joke and don't even act like my cares, my fears, or anything I want mattered. 

The stress that I feel daily is getting old... 

I have lived far to long like this and I am not living like this anymore. I am going to start doing things on my own and not depend on you because it doesn't matter, the responsibility that you were suppose to take as a man, as a provider, your not doing it but making excuses and I am no longer listening to them.

I'm sick of the back and forth and yelling, I am sick of it all. I'm so tired and I do not want to continue to live this way. 

Problems with PCOS

 With PCOS they do not tell you how bad it is. It can make your days hard. They do not tell you you will be in pain most of the days until the cyst pops and then you will be in more pain for a few more days. They do not tell you that anything can aggravate it, your moods will be at full force swinging and your anxiety will be at an all time high. They do not tell you that it can cause seizures that I have been experiencing due to hormone changes and nothing nothing can really help with the hot flashes. It is almost like menopause. 

You will gain a lot of weight but then they expect you to some how loose it when you don't even know how you got it. They will try to push you on birth control thinking that is going to help it but you are just going to gain more weight and make them money off of it every time you go get the refills. 

They do not tell you the ups and downs about it. They don't really tell you anything about it. They say its where your eggs fail to release and it causes build up in fluids. They say you can notice it when you miss a period well, I missed 3 years worth and took multiple pregnancy tests when my spouse has a vasectomy trying to make sure we are in the clear.

 I even went to the hospital multiple times, primary multiple times and even got a second opinion and some how everyone missed it they all were thinking I am pregnant. I even went to my OBGYN the first time and she didn't do anything nor checked me. She won't even do a scan but says oh it's not good it can become cancer if you don't have a period for so long even though I went to her and others multiple times trying to get help.

I threw up all of my supper last night which was a salad because it was light. They don't tell you that it will happen. They won't tell you had bad it will hurt and how when you move when its hurting it feels like you are ripping and its folding down feeling like its going to fall out. When I first went for this feeling they found my cyst but when I went for it again they did another scan on it and it gotten bigger.

I know, I know peoples bodies are different and different things will happen but its just weird how it happens. 

 Did you know the cyst will make you look pregnant? That is when they decide to go in and take it out they won't do anything for it when its there but they wait until it gets hazardous and can cause harm. 

They tell you to just take over the counter pain meds when it happens and rest. 

Get your hormones back balanced with this Fenugreek

What is this mystery illness

 I caught the thing that should not be named. I went to the hospital for an infection that was not getting well and I was told I did not have anymore but it appeared I did. I started feeling bad a day or two after I went and then I went to a gathering. 

A few days later my throat started to feel funny. It was not an achy thing but a drain to the point it was hard to talk. A few more days later it got to the point I could not talk and I had this cough that would not go away. I coughed and coughed. I was running a fever, got the chills, chest was hurting from the all the coughing. I coughed up so much phlegm that I could not sleep comfortably. No matter how I turned I could not sleep. I had to take sleep aids that my body fought off and finally got sleep 12 hours later.

 I took what I had cold medications to help it and it did until I ran out. I had to scrape up a few dollars to go to dollar tree and get the Advil for cold and flu which was a sample pack and worked good. I also got the cold and flu for night and day and it worked great. I slept great until the last one now I am taking Thera flu and I don't like it but it kind of helps. 

I woke up this morning to my ear hurting and feels like it is closing off. It normally happens when I am sick but I used ear drops to help it but it made it worst and things are muffled.  I also use vapor rub at night and when I need it. It helps with the pain and opens up my passages enough to help me breathe. I have yet to loose my taste and smell this time so hopefully I get better soon. 

I went to the hospital and I have an ear infection which was given oral antibiotics for. I told them it was hard to hear out of it but now it is popping and sounds like bubbles in it again so hopefully that clears up.

The COVID tests are negative but we are all stick sick. After 2-3 weeks I stopped coughing up phlegm. I did how ever had to go to the hospital for an ear infection and they gave me antibiotics but that did help with me coughing and I am starting to feel better but this ear ache is still here.