Here we go again...

The depression feeling is starting to comeback after so many years I pulled myself out of it. I feel let down.

 For months I asked for help around the house to do the things I cannot and am not supposed to do such as lift drywall, move the house around and other things but no.

 I was told I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it and if never got done.

 You quit your job stating oh I'm going to help before your other job comes in which they changed your start date to a later day. I'm going to do it and it's never done. 

For your wife to ask you multiple times to help get it fixed or do it and you repeatedly let me down but then when I bring it up I get nothing but excuses is exhausting. I am tired of having to ask repeatedly and expecting it to be done. 

Years and I do mean years since our anniversary is literally the 29th of March I had high hopes and expectation of but just as always they are let down and it sucks. My concerns mean nothing to you and they don't even bother you. 

I just get hit with the it's okay and the it'll be fine but no it's not fine and I'm tired of the one sided. I'm tired of your lies and empty promises. I'm tired of this "love" thing but yet don't even bother doing anything you say your going to do until it is relevant to you or something is going to happen. I'm sick of it. Its like I don't even matter only what you can get and so you don't be alone. 

You really do the bare minimum and that is it. We barely go anywhere. We haven't been on vacation since we got married. We haven't done anything you promised. I am just so tired of worrying and stressing while you're over there doing your own thing acting like my concerns don't bother you. Marriage isn't supposed to be nor feel like this. I  feel this way everyday or night. I should definitely not have the burden feeling I get that makes me feel hopeless in our marriage because my concerns and you lie to me. 

And another thing, I'm sick of the reassurance. I'm tired of reassuring you. It's like you know your not good enough and I have to always reassure you and I'm tired of it. It's the always you can replace me this that the other but yet you won't do anything I asked nor even bother and then when I get tired of it and end up leaving I'm the bad guy and get yelled at because you won't do anything to even change. Narcissist at its finest.

LET GO! SOMETIMES IT'S BEST!

 Sometimes, it is best to let go of those you love but you can tell that they don't love you by the way they act and treating you.

They act like you are always going to be there, call you names, treat you horribly, say things you want to hear but none of it is true all while treating your like you barely exist and or a second opinion. 

They believe they can treat you any kind of way and manipulate you until you finally have had enough and leave. That is where the shocker becomes to them, they think you would never leave and you believe everything that they say.  They will make it seem like you are the bad guy and try everything to make you feel like you did something and make you feel worthless when in actuality you are not worthless and you have done nothing wrong. 

It is all them trying to manipulate you into thinking this and they will end up making it seem like no one wants you and try to keep you away from your friends and family but this is not true it is a ploy so they can keep you to themselves without having eyes and having those that care about you tell you what they are doing and try to intervene in the "relationship" in anyway. 

A way to spot this is by the way they sound and the tone that they use when you are going out with friends and family and or them getting mad and jealous over you when you decide to do something for yourself. 

A healthy relationship will not have the jealousy or will try to keep you to themselves, they will allow your friends and family to be around and not try to manipulate you into thinking anything bad or feeling any kind of way other than happy and loved. 

If you feel you are taking so much out of you time worried about what others are doing to the point you are "stalking" them because they deleted you or you deleted them because of the consequence of their actions and threating you horribly. 

Don't put yourself through this. It will hurt but it is best to let go and move on and start living to yourself because eventually the right person will come along and help you and love you the way you will need to be loved without hesitation and the lying and everything else the prier relationship has caused and as always talk to your partner, give boundaries and let them know everything that you been through and open up to them because sometimes that is what we need to do for those to understand us and our journey. 

Sometimes its best to let family go also, they do not see the best for you and only will make you miserable because you are doing things you want to and living your life all while they are miserable themselves.

Also, let go of the past, the past is not the present, use the past as a lesson and continue to move on. The past also does not define who you are so let it go. The past only made you stronger so do not let it hold you back.