Self Care

You have to make yourself happy. You have to focus on yourself. You cannot make everyone happy it will end up causing you your peace and hurting you, taking your joy and just so much more things you do not deserve. 

You have to focus on you and yourself and not worry about things on the outside. People will come and go and many will use you to get what they want and need and then disappear. 

You are not a door mat so do not let them use you as one. You have feelings also and if they do not consider you and how you feel then they are not for you. A person that is for you will care for your well being and not just themselves.

Focus on your mental health and be sure you are okay. Take care of yourself and be sure that you are doing the things that you want to do, things that will make you happy and not wear yourself down trying to please everyone else. You cannot please everyone so please yourself. 

Heal yourself from everyone and things that broke you or you will end up breaking others around you and be sure that you love yourself, give yourself the time to heal and fix yourself before finding someone to love, this will help you not mess up but you can always heal with others if need be as long as you find someone who understands you and is willing to help you. 

Healing yourself before jumping into another relationship will allow you to get rid of the excess baggage and will allow you to start over with the person but if you do not feel ready, do not jump and just wait until you are ready. Sometimes being alone is best. 

It is not selfish to take care of yourself and say no to people, it is all about you and what you want not them. 

Sketchy people

 Sketchy people are people who you cannot trust. The way they do or say things do not make sense and it's just so hard to trust them and understand. 

You should never trust these kinds of people because they will do anything they need and want to even if it hurts you or someone around you. 

Not everyone is your friend, and you cannot trust everyone. It does not matter how long you knew them anyone can switch up and cause you harm, so be careful of the company you keep. 

Many people who claimed to be friends with people ended up dying by them, hurt, robbed and so much more. People are evil and can be jealous of you and those around so be careful. 

Jealousy is real and people get jealous over the littlest things so be aware and watch those you call friends and family. 

Not everyone is going to be just like you and have the same heart you have they are all for themselves. 

Affordable housing, Ways to get one

 

A way to get an affordable house is to wait until the states have a tax sale, call down to your local tax office and see when they have their tax sale and then go and get one of those. You can also find delinquent tax deeds and pay for those and then they should become yours. If you do not like to do it that way, you can always buy some land and get a tiny house or a pop up house or even a mobile home and go that route. It is best to find land that has water and septic already hooked up or you may have to pay for that but hey, it is cheaper than having to spend 200,000 for a brand new house. This way allows you to save money until you can get better especially in this economy. 

Buying a home right out is not easy they are needing your check stubs for the past two years and sometimes you won't have that. 

You are also needing a great credit score even though some said they would take the 580, they do not. It is so much more on you to try to buy a home. Home buy is not affordable. The affordable housing went extent and are so rare that people do not believe them when they tell you the price due to so many scams going around. 

The houses that has all the rooms needed are way to expensive and wants payment that are often time higher than people can afford and it sucks. It is like you are giving an arm and a leg to have a place to call home. 

Affordable housing would be great for people because they would have a place to forever call theirs without having to worry about if the landlord is going to make them move. 

The bank system doesn't even help those who really need it. It will only help the ones who have money. Unless you have $10,000 or more they do not even want to see you. They won't even really take cash, it has to be in your account because they will claim you are doing illegal things if you hand them cash which is not right but as everyone is saying we are going into a cashless society.

If housing was affordable there would not be as many homeless people as there is because no one can afford a house and be sure that we can eat also and pay bills. Things are expensive. Most of the businesses that are trying to force people into office could convert it into housing for those who needs it. Also businesses that closed down could be a perfect place for the homeless to live. It would be like an apartment to them but no one really wants to help them. No one really wants to help anyone. It is a hand up thing that they don't want to help anyone but themselves. 

It is all about greed, who has the most cash. 

Marriage and relationships

 

Marriage and relationships are commitment. It is loving each other unconditionally through the ups and downs. It is being there for one another when things are not looking up and helping them. It is not a one sided thing. It is 50/50. Their problems are your problems and your problems are theirs. 

If you are not ready for commitment and helping each other of if you are to busy to notice when the other person needs you and is struggling while you are out doing your own thing, let the person go. It is not worth them wasting their time, love, care and drowning in issues expecting you to come along and help them when in actuality you're not going to. 

If someone else has your attention let the person you are holding on to go so that they can find someone that is for them instead of being led on thinking that you actually want them and want to spend your life with them. 

People who genuinely cares and loves you ends up planning their whole life with you. They want to experience it all with you but if you don't want to spend your life with them and be everything they need in life and all you do make excuses all the time, blame, assume accuse them and make them feel less than a person, you don't deserve them and they do not deserve the treatment that you put them through. 

They deserve better, they deserve to be loved and be cherished. They do not deserve to suffer from you because you aren't ready. They do not deserve to be broken because you are broken, have trust issues, jealousy, narcist, Stockholm syndrome, have been called out and confronted because you are doing things that they know you are doing but you are trying to pretend you're not doing it and try to make it seem like the person is crazy and keep throwing off on them because you do not want to admit the truth.

 Gut feelings never lie. Trust me, we can tell when something isn't right and things are off. 

Sometimes we just let it go until we can no longer take it and other times we try to handle it right on the spot. Just sit back and watch, karma is quick. 

This is not a relationship, It is captivity

 

If a person is doing nothing but making excuses and trying to make you feel bad about yourself, they are not into you and they are not for you. A person who loves you and is into you would never try to make you feel bad and will always do things for you. 

They will not mouth off, make you question things, act like they love you for you when actuality you are not their type and blame you for everything and make excuses and give you reasons that are not even true of why they do things. 

They will not leave you on a cliff hanger and tell you all the things that you want to hear just to keep you dragging along behind them. Don't worry they are good at saying everyone else is doing things when it is them and try to manipulate you into believing them. 

They won't give you any attention and make it seem like it is your fault when you have not done anything to them nor to deserve this. They would rather give their attention to everyone else besides you and when you ask or want to talk about it, they will get mad and tell you not to bother them and makes up reasons and excuses but when you finally get tired, had enough and leave, then they will come back complaining, talking about they do love you, they do miss you when actually they only miss the things you did and the company that you gave them. 

They don't care about you, it is all a game to them. No matter how many times they seem to want to fix it, they really don't. They just want to get what they can get from you and use you to the point that you break and you cannot even heal yourself, nor recognize what is going on.

No longer happy...

 I am no longer happy in my life. I am no longer happy nor excited with the things that use to excite me and make me happy.

I cannot even fake it like I am anymore. I'm so exhausted and stressed that I'm tired. I have been looking for jobs trying to do everything I can from blogging, affiliate marketing and so much more.

 I exhausted myself helping others that I no longer want to help anyone. I no longer sleep at night because all the anxiety that I feel happens the most when I try to lay down and rest. The thoughts are horrible, the panic attacks suck and the seizures are the worst.

I graduated college, a course that I pushed myself though to get a certificate that I have to take a big test for but if I complete the degree program I won't so I decided to go back to get the Bachelor degree hoping something comes from it.

I watch my dreams fall apart and never come true really. I thought I would own a home, have some land and possibly have a little farm but no it hasn't happened yet. I also wanted to travel around and visit places but no, that doesn't look like it is ever gonna happen.

We are in a three bedroom rental and there are 6 of us living in it. I'm not complaining about it as long as we have a roof over our head but I was promised we would move and never did. 

I'm just tired of the false promises that you gave me. I'm tired of you saying your going to do something and you don't at all. I'm tired of the back and forth. I'm tired of it all. 

I'm tired of the back and forth me explaining everything how I feel, what I feel and nothing gets done about it. I am tired of the yelling, I am tired of the arguments. I am tired of it all.. My mental health is no longer worth putting myself though this. 

Some how, I will change this. Some how I will change it all and become better and do better. 

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