It has gotten old...

 

The repeating myself has gotten old. 

The me expecting you to do something has gotten old.

Me explaining my stress, worries and fears seems to do nothing until I start crying and screaming at the top of my lungs for you to do something because I am sick and tired of living like this. I am tired of you saying you'll do it and you'll get it done and you fail to do it. 

I am so tired of this.

You said it wouldn't be like this and I believe you... That was my fault for believing you that you are actually going to do something. 

My expectations were always to high for you. It's like you have taken me for a joke and don't even act like my cares, my fears, or anything I want mattered. 

The stress that I feel daily is getting old... 

I have lived far to long like this and I am not living like this anymore. I am going to start doing things on my own and not depend on you because it doesn't matter, the responsibility that you were suppose to take as a man, as a provider, your not doing it but making excuses and I am no longer listening to them.

I'm sick of the back and forth and yelling, I am sick of it all. I'm so tired and I do not want to continue to live this way. 

If I had the money...

 If I had 500,000, I would buy my first house. I would also pay my parents dues, give my mother in law a home of her own and give back whatever I had left to those in need.

 I would also give my little brother a little bit so he would not have to worry. I would make sure my family is taken care of before doing anything else with the money that is left.

 After all that I would get my friends gift cards or something that they need. I may save some or start a business but honestly I'm not worried about the money after all I got what I needed and wanted with it, while I had the money.