Worrisome: RA, Gout, Kidney disease

With recent events happening in the world it has became kind of worrisome with everything. My family is a low income family with three kids. My husband is on Humira for his rheumatoid arthritis and he has been diagnosed with gout. 

My husband also has to go back to the rheumatologist every two to three month to make sure his labs are good and everything is functioning okay.  

 He also was only born with one kidney and he hangs out between stage 2 and stage 3 kidney disease in which his body cannot process everything correctly and it gets to the point sometimes he has to go to the hospital to get treatment and fluids to help his kidney filter things out and raise his GFR levels in which this is kind of scary sometimes. He is currently on Medicaid and because of this we do not have to worry about his medications.

 It is hard on him somedays and he struggles a lot but that does not stop him. He hurts all over his body and his arms, elbows, knees, feet and hands swell up to the point he cannot move it and it is a challenge for him some days.

He also works full time but he is trying to find a part time job that allows him to take days off or is just flexible with him and that is hard to do. The insurance his company offers is not the greatest not just that, he oftentimes have to switch companies because his contracts ends or they end up laying off because they do not need everyone that they hired. 

He also cannot get disability even though we filled it out and even sent everything they wanted and needed along with signing medical release forms and they still denied him because they would never come around and accept it and it was a long hassle with it. No one can just go without the money and funding they need to make sure ends are met and the bills are paid. The way they have the disability set up is horrible because it takes years for them to ever get back to you and approve or deny you and you can end up loosing everything just waiting on a response and often times they end up denying you and you end up having to find a lawyer to get help with it so that they will approve it and this also becomes a prolonged process. 

My hope and dream is to be able to make enough money to help him the best that I can so that he does not have to worry about bills or anything else. I want him to be able to take breaks and time for himself instead of forcing himself to work for a company that is just going to replace him when something happens. 

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It has gotten old...

 

The repeating myself has gotten old. 

The me expecting you to do something has gotten old.

Me explaining my stress, worries and fears seems to do nothing until I start crying and screaming at the top of my lungs for you to do something because I am sick and tired of living like this. I am tired of you saying you'll do it and you'll get it done and you fail to do it. 

I am so tired of this.

You said it wouldn't be like this and I believe you... That was my fault for believing you that you are actually going to do something. 

My expectations were always to high for you. It's like you have taken me for a joke and don't even act like my cares, my fears, or anything I want mattered. 

The stress that I feel daily is getting old... 

I have lived far to long like this and I am not living like this anymore. I am going to start doing things on my own and not depend on you because it doesn't matter, the responsibility that you were suppose to take as a man, as a provider, your not doing it but making excuses and I am no longer listening to them.

I'm sick of the back and forth and yelling, I am sick of it all. I'm so tired and I do not want to continue to live this way.