Ripping on the inside

My heart feels like its been ripped out of my chest

the pain throbs and throbs and throbs 

the tears are rolling down my face 

as there is a frog in my throat 

I am so confused of what to do 

where to go

I am so confused 

everything feels so 

shattered so broken

I am hurting on the inside 

I am hurting on the out 

this is so unreal 

this depression 

its got a hold of me 

all I can do is cry 

I stress, I worry 

its all crashing down

all around 

I don't know what to do

As it all falls around me....

Everything is falling and breaking

I can’t catch it all nor put it back together

I’m so broken and torn, doesn’t matter how many times you put me back

together I still shatter….

I’m so emotional

But i guess this is it

Postpartum

The things they tried to warn me about

The thing that's broken me into pieces

Holding on with the little strength I have left

As I finish breaking to pieces

With my family by my side as I crumble apart

While I watch them grow i can’t give up I have to

Much to lose

EH not my day

Today is just one of those days, A day where everything is just passing you by. Everything is just happening all at once with no breaks

Blogging

Blogging is not easy once so ever! You do not know what to talk about, you do not know what to say, you don't even know what people like and do not so you just have to take a hit at it cause everyone is different and some people like what others do not. You can talk about anything really and give your opinion and not get made fun of. You can also just talk about your own life and give advice and just talk about nothing and people will find you interesting and its pretty cool that people would do that.

Life after baby; Postpartum.

There is a lot of things that women go through after having a baby that some people do not understand.
We have a lot to go through from pain to depression to everything under they sun.

There is a lot of things that we try to cope with and hide like the fact that in postpartum depression the baby can feel like it's not yours, you may gain suicidal thoughts, everything feels like its going wrong that you are horrible and start blaming yourself for everything. There are also hidden feelings and emotions you have that you did not know you have. You can also say things you don't mean.

I just want to say, it's all going to be okay, you have came along way. You got this! you have a little one who needs you. You have a reason to keep going even if it all feels like its going to end, like the whole world is falling on your shoulders you have to push through and keep strong for your little one! It's hard trying to wake up each day and you want to give up I know. I have a newborn and a 1 year old. It's a struggle but you just have to keep moving. A support system is the best thing to have no matter who it is. Someone to talk to is really important and helps. Exercising or doing something you love helps to. I have had and still having battles and wanted to give up but I can not because I have two babies depending on me and not letting me give up. You can also go to your doctor and tell them about it and they will give you antidepressants. You can also go to a therapist, Don't worry many women go through this and some just don't feel comfortable talking about it.

There are others out there that are just like us, you are not alone please feel free to reach out to someone and talk about everything, it helps!

Parenting

Parenting is hard especially when you have a 10 month old who screams and throws stuff at you.
It kind of gets easier as they get older but harder at the same time. He is learning how to talk and walk. He crawls everywhere and gets upset if you walk to fast and or leave him.
There are a lot that people do not tend to tell you and you have to learn on your own what happens. There are so much that is kept a secret and you wish you knew it all. 

My life in a quick shot.

Being pregnant and in college is some what hard. I have a 10 month old son already and we are due in December again. There is a lot on my plate trying to juggle both but nothing is impossible. Money is really tight to the point we can hardly pay any bills. My husband can not work due to he is back in school also and has to help tend to our son because I am on bedrest. I have tried all I can to get money up for bills but struggling to. eBay didn't work out and so we are trying again looking for some way to make money I am trying to sale my photography to get money for bills and the babies birthdays and christmas and it's extremely hard. Facebook is not really helping either. We are trying to sale but nothing is working.