Watch those around you

 People are so quick to judge you based off of anything and they fail to realize they are the ones that trigger you. They tell you all the things you want to hear and never do them. They will trigger you and uses you and make it seem like they are genuine but you will just be another person that they played. They do not really love you. They only want someone in their corner so they can prey off of you. They want to be able to have someone to play. 

They only tell you that to keep you around to pretend that they are not like the other that done you wrong when they truly are. They basically do things to make sure that they keep you on your toes and then when you figure it out and get tired of it, they will leave you just because. 

When you don't believe their lies that they told you along with the excuses and other things, then you become a problem for them and once you see through every single piece of excuse they gave then they get mad. They will try to use what you told them and your weaknesses against you. They will play your heart strings, tag you along and then get mad when you don't do what they want you to anymore. 

They will keep you around just because. Do not fall for the lies that they will tell you. They will try to break you down and build you the way they want to. They will force those around you to leave or for you to leave them and they will fight with you because of it. 

Anyone that is around you, they will say tried to break up the relationship. Anyone around you that can see how they really are and treat you they will blame them and try to isolate you and then when you call them out for everything and every lie they ever told they will coward away and then come back with something else just because they want to keep fighting with you for no reason at all. Then when you call it out they will become the victim and flip the script and make it seem like it was you and your crazy. 

Watch who you love, not everyone is truthful and loyal like they say. 

Same routines

 As a person who likes doing the same routines, certain routines get old. Such as begging for a person to do right, arguing and fighting with a person that supposedly loves you everyday and begging them to see what they are doing to you and trying to show them what they are doing to others and how what they are saying is not right or sound right because the part that they are saying basically is basically the opposite of  what they are saying.

It gets to a point you have to withdraw yourself, your love and care to basically save yourself from spiraling anymore further down. Loving a person takes a lot of work if they are not loving themselves. It takes a lot of work even more to lie about loving a person and or subjects around a person. 

Say a person claims that they don't talk to people because they are antisocial but then come up to say they talk to people randomly then to come up and say they do not talk to the person they claim and then lie and say oh yeah we talk so if you are lying about that then what else are you lying about. 

Trying to search through everything that was told and go through every part and think about it while watching how a person moves it gets old. You start to see a lot of holes in every story and everything that does not make sense. 

You can basically see where the story was either used on other to manipulate them or basically where it was fabricated again and again to basically make it work on others to get them to feel sorry for them or to make you want to stick with them and care because that is what they want you to believe. They will blame whoever including you for things that you did not due and then try to use it as leverage to win you and make you stay and do what they want you to do. 

They will become the victim and play victim while victim blaming you and make everything some how your fault. Do not fall for this it will become catastrophe and you cannot fix this. It only gets worst and you will end up getting hurt in the process and its not worth it.

Once you can see how the person is moving and repeating it gets old and you end up wanting something  new. Trust me, loving a toxic person and begging them to be a decent human and love you the way you need to be loved gets old, hell begging a person in general gets old. 

You end up cutting them off eventually and then you feel bad or they sweet talk you into a place that you don't want to be in again and again because the way they word their words and then everything falls apart as you try to fix it and then you end up getting hurt and shying away from them more and more until you get the courage to just up and leave because you realize its not what you want anymore and they are not the one you want to be with because of all the times they showed you what they are doing.

 They don't love you they are only using you.

It is time for something new and a new journey at that one.

What is Gaslighting?

 A person that does so much for you and then changes up and stops doing the things they were doing including calling and messaging are gaslighting. They lie about everything and never can keep a straight answer. You can tell the changes in their ways by how they do you.

 Never answering your calls or messages until hours and or days later no matter how many times they say they love you and care and want to be with you. They don't really want to be with you. They only want what they can get from you and once you stop giving it to them, then you can see how they changed. 

They don't care about you nor your health. They want what they want. You cannot change that. They will use you, talk sweet to you butter you up and then dip on you right when the going gets good. Don't think there is something wrong with you because there is not. It is the other person. They will make it seem like you are the cause for everything and then make up excuses and lies when they get caught and or doing something they do not like. They will manipulate you and have you questioning everything including yourself. They will make you feel like a puppet and everything they do will manipulate you into doing what they want.

The best thing to do when you feel like they are lying and making excuses is pack your bags and leave and never look back because if they can do this then they don't deserve you and surely do not care for you. I know it will hurt you in the process but it has to be done and trust me there are multiple people out here looking for love and are not trying to hurt you like they are. 

These kinds of people who ignore you will try their damnest to break you down so that way they can get you do do the things that they want you to. Do not fall for this you are to powerful for this and trust me while they are trying to break you down someone out here is ready to build you up. 

Do not fall for their lies and assumptions and accusing and bullshit because bullshit is all it is and will ever be. Toxic relationships will hurt you, regular relationships will build you. 

Are you in a Toxic relationship?

 They only call you toxic when you find out the truth that they were hiding and lying about. When you have that gut feeling that something isn't right and they keep trying to tell you that it's not what it seems, you are overthinking, your insecure that it's all on you because you have trust issues from your past and it's causing you not to trust. 

What they don't know, is that the lies they fed you and made you try to believe is what your exes have pulled and you became wise from it. You observe everything around you and take notes of how they are doing and what they are doing. You start to see similarities and you realize they are doing everything your exes are doing just in a different way and pattern. 

You decide to break off but your heart hurts because you trusted them to be different. You gave them all your love, your time and care just for this to happen. 

You take a break for a while and decide to give them the benefit of the doubt thinking that it's not like that they were right that you were overthinking but then you realize it is a trap and you got tangled into their spiderweb and it is getting worst and worst nothing is going the way they say it would.

 They lied multiple times to cover up and then trying again to make you believe the lie they told that its not true that you're just making things up but this time, you seen it with your own two eyes and so you leave and never come back. 

Block their number, social media and go no contact but then there is going to be this thought of what ifs and it will make you want to reach out but DON'T DO IT! It only will set you up for trouble and to get hurt again.

Eventually the pain you feel will stop and you will find someone who is loyal and will accept everything you have been through and put you first for everything. You will find that special person to be there for you through it all and willing to go through everything with you no matter the good nor the bad they are there for it all. 

But until you find your person be sure to heal, and give yourself a lot of self love, self care and support yourself.  

Careful of the company you keep...

Sometimes you have to get out of your feelings to make decisions that are best for you. If you are in your feelings then you would be doing what your heart wants and not what is best for you. Having a big heart and wanting to help everyone can be crucial due to you personally cannot please everyone no matter how hard you try. You will end up wearing yourself down trying to be there for people who are partly or never there for you or do not even care at all. 

Some people are not your friends and will use you for things that you can do for them and not even bother helping you. I have been there, I have a heart of gold trying to help people and be there for people just because I know what it is like to not have any help and then they basically used me, manipulated me and so much more. They made it seem and feel like they are the only ones that was there for me, that no one else wanted to be there and then they turned around and left. I basically ended all contact with them and basically got rid of the toxic and worked on trying to heal myself. 

They make it so that you are only there for them and while they only want you there when they need you and then they wear you down, making it difficult to see and basically manipulating you so that you can keep doing what they want or need you to do by using any and everything they can. They will use what you have told them and basically use it against you jus to keep you there to say and say on the edge so that way they can have you all to themselves and it's just an toxic environment and it will end up causing problems. 

I was basically a listening ear, giving them tips, advice and always there when they needed a help up. I always basically put people first and always try to help them, give them love that they are needing all while they don't even bother to make sure I was okay.  I am currently working on myself and putting myself first instead of letting my heart get in the way and get broken or hurt. 

I was there through all the disrespect while being faithful and loyal and still trying to help them even through they used me as a door mat and walked over me and said hurtful things which I didn't let it get to me as much but it sure did hurt but I never showed it. 

I am doing what is best for me and not helping as many people and removing the negative people and those I outgrew out of my circle which was small to begin with and replacing them with people who are for me.

Outgrowing people is thinking differently and being on a different level and changing. You change the way you think and the way you do things while everyone around you stay the same. Once you start changing you can see how others change and see the difference. You can even talk to them about an idea and business plan and that allows you to see where they stand. Don't give up even if they tell you, "you won't make it." "It will fail." "It's not going to happen." Even if it doesn't make it and does fail at least you tried. Take that and grow from it. If you feel it isn't going the way you want it to then change it plan differently and plan accordingly.

But then again don't tell anyone your plan and never let them know your next move. They will only hate on it and try to use it for themselves. They will envy you regardless even if you make it because you are no longer there for their access for them to keep draining you and using you and keeping you where they want you. 

You can go with what your heart says but also go with what your brain says. If your heart does the thinking, it can cause so much on you to the point you won't do what is best you will end up still trying to help those and cater to those who basically will use you up and take everything from you including your energy. 

If you are tired of it, trust me I know you will eventually cause not everyone can keep dealing with it. You want to grow but it seems like you are stuck and by getting rid of the negative person in your life things around you will start changing and things will get better. Your mind set will be differently and it gets better. 

It will hurt for a little while but surrounding yourself with those who want to see you win and are there when you need them are the true meaning of friends. Those are the people you need in your life not someone who basically leeches your energy off of you to the point you are so drained you cannot do anything else and you are trying to change but can't. 

You have to cut them kinds of people off because they aren't helping you grow. They are basically making it so that you cannot grow into the person you want to be and staying around them will end up making you a cold hearted and heartless person and not want to help anyone else. So careful of the company keep since not all company is good company. 

Also if you are looking for love, the same rules apply. Don't just get with someone you have to be sure you can grow with them and they want to grow with you. Can't be in a one sided relationship expecting things to work cause it's not going to. A relationship takes two people to grow, put trust in and be able to talk to each other through it all and be there and if you are there but the other person isn't then its not a relationship.