Used

I use to feel bad for those I use to call friends. I would always try to by them a new game when I had the money out of the kindness of my heart so that they could play them since I already had them and they acted like they wanted it but then I realized, they were using me for the money and the games and I could of kept the money.

They never bought me anything but I always made sure to buy them something just so they would have something else to play. So I did it out of the kindness of my heart but it's like they called me names, they got mad at me for playing a game that I have and bought myself with my own money when they were playing games that they had or playing the games that I bought them saying yeah we will play them together but ended up beating it before I even get a chance to play it or half way done with it. They also got jealous when I played with others in which was not right and it was just to much and when I brought it up they said they were not and not doing this when everyone around me could tell they were.

I feel like I never have time for myself anymore because it is like I am being thrown in games or having to do things for others. I cannot even sit down and play games that I want to because they have games that they want to play with me and its to the point I just want to not play anything but I cannot do that because I don't want to hurt anyone but enough is enough and I am tired of it. I am thankful to have people to play with but I hate the fact they never take me and how I feel nor what I want to do inconsideration. 

If I had the money...

 If I had 500,000, I would buy my first house. I would also pay my parents dues, give my mother in law a home of her own and give back whatever I had left to those in need.

 I would also give my little brother a little bit so he would not have to worry. I would make sure my family is taken care of before doing anything else with the money that is left.

 After all that I would get my friends gift cards or something that they need. I may save some or start a business but honestly I'm not worried about the money after all I got what I needed and wanted with it, while I had the money.

Same routines

 As a person who likes doing the same routines, certain routines get old. Such as begging for a person to do right, arguing and fighting with a person that supposedly loves you everyday and begging them to see what they are doing to you and trying to show them what they are doing to others and how what they are saying is not right or sound right because the part that they are saying basically is basically the opposite of  what they are saying.

It gets to a point you have to withdraw yourself, your love and care to basically save yourself from spiraling anymore further down. Loving a person takes a lot of work if they are not loving themselves. It takes a lot of work even more to lie about loving a person and or subjects around a person. 

Say a person claims that they don't talk to people because they are antisocial but then come up to say they talk to people randomly then to come up and say they do not talk to the person they claim and then lie and say oh yeah we talk so if you are lying about that then what else are you lying about. 

Trying to search through everything that was told and go through every part and think about it while watching how a person moves it gets old. You start to see a lot of holes in every story and everything that does not make sense. 

You can basically see where the story was either used on other to manipulate them or basically where it was fabricated again and again to basically make it work on others to get them to feel sorry for them or to make you want to stick with them and care because that is what they want you to believe. They will blame whoever including you for things that you did not due and then try to use it as leverage to win you and make you stay and do what they want you to do. 

They will become the victim and play victim while victim blaming you and make everything some how your fault. Do not fall for this it will become catastrophe and you cannot fix this. It only gets worst and you will end up getting hurt in the process and its not worth it.

Once you can see how the person is moving and repeating it gets old and you end up wanting something  new. Trust me, loving a toxic person and begging them to be a decent human and love you the way you need to be loved gets old, hell begging a person in general gets old. 

You end up cutting them off eventually and then you feel bad or they sweet talk you into a place that you don't want to be in again and again because the way they word their words and then everything falls apart as you try to fix it and then you end up getting hurt and shying away from them more and more until you get the courage to just up and leave because you realize its not what you want anymore and they are not the one you want to be with because of all the times they showed you what they are doing.

 They don't love you they are only using you.

It is time for something new and a new journey at that one.

They don't care

People always throw up that they love you, they care about you, they are there for you but are they? Look at how they do you. Look at the way they treat you. If they talk about others behind their back think about what they say about you. They aren't your friends. They aren't you lovers. Them type of people will lie to you and use you for whatever it is they want and can get. They will waste your time, love, care trying to pretend all while they are doing what they want and what they please. They don't care about you. 

Look at how many times you put your neck on the line, done things for you and they don't do anything for you. Look at how much you cared and made sure things were good and made sure they were good but look at how they did you.

You gave them a spare dollar or so much and they never paid you back or gave you anything when you were in need. There's a different in don't got it and just not bothering. 

Be careful of those you keep around you cause there's some fakes out here that will lie to you and use you to the point you feel worthless. They are only out here to hurt.

Don't tell everyone everything about your personal life, they will end up using it against you and talk about you to others. 

If you feel like you have to fight everyday for attention and time and then it feels like you have to show out and do things for a reaction. It's not love and definitely something I nor you want to be in. 

If they don't give you the time and day that you give them and they lie and give reasons why the I can't and don't then leave and remove them from your life. It only gets worst and you will only get hurt.

Invest that time, that love and care into yourself and heal yourself. This also allows you to grow and become better. Stay positive and remove the negative and positive will come back to you. Don't worry or focus on the negative it will only lead to negative things.

Investing time

Investing time in the wrong people and the wrong things can be costly and you not even realize it. Investing time into things that don't represent you this includes the people that around you, jobs, anything that is negative can cost you. You will start to lose yourself and lose sight of the person you want to be and are trying to be, get the job or career that you are wanting in life. 

Time just like love is valuable. It is something that you cannot get back so if you waste it and a lot of it you can count it as gone. The only thing you can do is move forward and hope to not waste it again.

People enjoy wasting other's time since they have nothing better to do but time is precious. People will also use you if you show them a lot of care and love.

 Invest yourself into positive spots and only allow positivity in. Don't invest in the negative and or a place where your hated or envied then you will be wasting your time when you could of made something out of it. 

Jealous eyes and ears are the ones that will try to bring you down since they didn't get anywhere nor believe that you can do it.

Make sure you put your time into those that will put time into you and not use you. Be careful of the company you keep. They will waste your time having you think they want the same thing you do when in actuality they don't. They don't care about you they only care and what you can do for them and when you stop they will do you dirty, call you names and all kinds of stuff and then leave you standing there realizing they weren't for you. 

You can tell those that have been investing their time into themselves because they don't let anyone close to them. You can tell those that have been hurt and taken the time to heal themselves. If you cannot, they are the ones that doesn't let anyone get to close anymore and take care of themselves first before they help others. 

Most of these people that claim to be friends do not care for you. Just wait. Stop doing things for them and watch them and notice the negativity they bring around you. Listen to how they speak and gossip about you. Think about what they are saying behind your back if they are talking about others. 

Never tell anyone anything about you nor your hardship. They will use it against you in the long run and won't care.

It will be come lonely but eventually you will find those that are for you and get the things that you want. The lonely part will shape you into a better person. Always stay positive and remove yourself from the negative. Remember whatever you give, whatever you do will come back. 

A good heart

 Having a good heart is troublesome for many people in may different ways. We tend worry, care and love a lot and try to help everyone and be there for people no matter what. They can do us any kind of way and we still try to be there for them. It's like we feel we have to help them. We have to be there for them. They will feed you a story and make you believe it and it makes you feel like you have to help them because they are alone from what they told you. Because everyone leaves you and no one cares about them and they have no one. This is what they make you believe. 

This is the story they will tell you to make you stay to manipulate you because you have a heart of gold and they want to keep you to themselves. They will make it seem like you are the crazy one when you start realizing what they are doing and telling people about them and confronting them about it. They are good at flipping the script and projecting themselves on to you.

Eventually you'll get tired and drained from it and you eventually drop all contact and communication and it will hurt but it's the only form of peace you get. You will have to heal and rebuild yourself from this and occasionally you will start wondering if you don't wrong and how to fix it and you think you can fix and help them but truthfully you cannot only they can. You will wear yourself down and out trying to help someone who doesn't wanna be helped. 

C-section Incision (How to care.)

Having any kind of major surgery is scary. You do not know what could and can happen. Having a cut and deep wound is also scary. If you turn the wrong way or do something you’re not supposed to it can either one rip open or two hurt like it isn’t no one’s business. There is a lot of things you have to worry about and it is not pretty.

For one you cannot wear anything tight. You can if you put a pad on your panty line to pad the incision and if you’re comfortable with it.

You can use the pad in the panty line to also catch any drainage that is leaking from the incision. This also helps you determine if you are having more discharge than normal.

Your spouse/ partner needs to examine it when you come home and be sure to take pictures of it so you know what it's supposed to look like just in case it kind of comes undone or anything.

If it's red, swollen, discharging more than normal, bleeding, has bumps or has puss, red and extremely tender then get to the hospital its signs of something went wrong.

Clean it with soapy water on a washcloth so no bacteria can get into it and it doesn't get infected. You also can not take a sit bath you have to shower or wash off. Pat dry do not rub your incision because glue can tear and rip off when it’s not ready to.

Don't freak out if you glue starts tearing and coming off its normal. It has a time it has to come off.

Infections can come out of nowhere; does not matter how many times you clean it. It's a sign that something went wrong and isn't right. At times your body can reject the stitches and it can become infected and a big problem but it's not always like that.

If your hurting in your belly you can use a heating pad for 15 minutes. Do not use it longer because it can melt your glue and it can cause more pain, tenderness and more problems.Having any kind of major surgery is scary. You do not know what could and can happen. Having a cut and deep wound is also scary. If you turn the wrong way or do something you’re not supposed to it can either one rip open or two hurt like it isn’t no one’s business. There is a lot of things you have to worry about and it is not pretty.

For one you cannot wear anything tight. You can if you put a pad on your panty line to pad the incision and if you’re comfortable with it.

You can use the pad in the panty line to also catch any drainage that is leaking from the incision. This also helps you determine if you are having more discharge than normal.

Your spouse/ partner needs to examine it when you come home and be sure to take pictures of it so you know what it's supposed to look like just in case it kind of comes undone or anything.

If it's red, swollen, discharging more than normal, bleeding, has bumps or has puss, red and extremely tender then get to the hospital its signs of something went wrong.

Clean it with soapy water on a washcloth so no bacteria can get into it and it doesn't get infected. You also can not take a sit bath you have to shower or wash off. Pat dry do not rub your incision because glue can tear and rip off when it’s not ready to.

Don't freak out if you glue starts tearing and coming off its normal. It has a time it has to come off.

Infections can come out of nowhere; does not matter how many times you clean it. It's a sign that something went wrong and isn't right. At times your body can reject the stitches and it can become infected and a big problem but it's not always like that.

If your hurting in your belly you can use a heating pad for 15 minutes. Do not use it longer because it can melt your glue and it can cause more pain, tenderness and more problems.