Same routines

 As a person who likes doing the same routines, certain routines get old. Such as begging for a person to do right, arguing and fighting with a person that supposedly loves you everyday and begging them to see what they are doing to you and trying to show them what they are doing to others and how what they are saying is not right or sound right because the part that they are saying basically is basically the opposite of  what they are saying.

It gets to a point you have to withdraw yourself, your love and care to basically save yourself from spiraling anymore further down. Loving a person takes a lot of work if they are not loving themselves. It takes a lot of work even more to lie about loving a person and or subjects around a person. 

Say a person claims that they don't talk to people because they are antisocial but then come up to say they talk to people randomly then to come up and say they do not talk to the person they claim and then lie and say oh yeah we talk so if you are lying about that then what else are you lying about. 

Trying to search through everything that was told and go through every part and think about it while watching how a person moves it gets old. You start to see a lot of holes in every story and everything that does not make sense. 

You can basically see where the story was either used on other to manipulate them or basically where it was fabricated again and again to basically make it work on others to get them to feel sorry for them or to make you want to stick with them and care because that is what they want you to believe. They will blame whoever including you for things that you did not due and then try to use it as leverage to win you and make you stay and do what they want you to do. 

They will become the victim and play victim while victim blaming you and make everything some how your fault. Do not fall for this it will become catastrophe and you cannot fix this. It only gets worst and you will end up getting hurt in the process and its not worth it.

Once you can see how the person is moving and repeating it gets old and you end up wanting something  new. Trust me, loving a toxic person and begging them to be a decent human and love you the way you need to be loved gets old, hell begging a person in general gets old. 

You end up cutting them off eventually and then you feel bad or they sweet talk you into a place that you don't want to be in again and again because the way they word their words and then everything falls apart as you try to fix it and then you end up getting hurt and shying away from them more and more until you get the courage to just up and leave because you realize its not what you want anymore and they are not the one you want to be with because of all the times they showed you what they are doing.

 They don't love you they are only using you.

It is time for something new and a new journey at that one.

Am I Garbage ?

 I got called garbage again for not catering to his lies. I got called garbage for the 3rd time because he could not handle me for me. The joking me. I got called garbage and told I have a shit life because he said I don't do anything but break people in which it's not true.

 I have kids to take care of while he's all the way on the Pacific coast playing games all day and coming up with excuses and lies.

 Lies and excuses of why he can't do anything. Why he can't call, video chat and or send photos like he says he has social anxiety but can talk to his friends but when I decide to disappear its like he gets mad. 

I decided it was not worth it anymore and ended everything. He has done this for the past two years and it's becoming worst and worst. It got to the point I could not be myself without having to worry if he's gonna be mad. 

He was really manipulative and basically tried to hurt me daily. He never really showed me any attention but always gave it to others.

It was like I had to force everything. It was like he wanted to try to control what I did and do and I just would not let him. Every time he left I start questioning myself and trying to figure out the cause of it all but then a few days I would become happy but then it hits me because I cared so much it would kind of hurt but then after a few weeks to a month I would be okay and it's like he knows it because he would always come back and try to and it happens all over again except this time.

A strong woman

 When you are a strong woman you are independent. You will do things on your own and not care. You will pull your weight and make sure those around you and your family will and can make it. The old saying goes a strong independent woman will not need a man to do anything for them they got it themselves. Yes it would be nice to have some help from time to time but sometimes the help that you get is no good and does no good. 

We basically heard every excuse and all kinds of things from I will do something and they never do it or the reasons why they cannot do anything. We heard it all and it's the same thing either from the same person or different people. Never get your hopes up because they will surely tell you things that you want to hear or they will tell you things they think you want to hear. I have heard it all from don't worry to I will do something and been disappointed day in and day out waiting for it to get done and guess what months to years down the road it has not been done or when I get tired something being a way and I try to do something for myself then they just jump up and try to do it and do it and give you some excuse of why they haven't done it.

 EXCUSES, EXCUSES, EXCUSES BLAME, BLAME, BLAME. A human can only take so much and then its like we get tired of having to tell what to do. We get tired of being blamed and hearing the excuses. We ask a simple thing and we get nothing but excuses or time they will do it and it never gets done. It all just piles up.

 Us women sometimes decide to take things in our own hands cause we are sick of it. We ask for simple things to be done and we get disappointed and so we learn to pick up our own weight and carry it and not wait for anyone. We make sure our family is good and bills are paid. Waiting for people to do stuff can get tiring and start to pile up. This could be stressful and harmful. Some may not understand this but most will.