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Showing posts with label toxic environment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toxic environment. Show all posts

Monday, August 8, 2022

Am I Garbage ?

 I got called garbage again for not catering to his lies. I got called garbage for the 3rd time because he could not handle me for me. The joking me. I got called garbage and told I have a shit life because he said I don't do anything but break people in which it's not true.

 I have kids to take care of while he's all the way on the Pacific coast playing games all day and coming up with excuses and lies.

 Lies and excuses of why he can't do anything. Why he can't call, video chat and or send photos like he says he has social anxiety but can talk to his friends but when I decide to disappear its like he gets mad. 

I decided it was not worth it anymore and ended everything. He has done this for the past two years and it's becoming worst and worst. It got to the point I could not be myself without having to worry if he's gonna be mad. 

He was really manipulative and basically tried to hurt me daily. He never really showed me any attention but always gave it to others.

It was like I had to force everything. It was like he wanted to try to control what I did and do and I just would not let him. Every time he left I start questioning myself and trying to figure out the cause of it all but then a few days I would become happy but then it hits me because I cared so much it would kind of hurt but then after a few weeks to a month I would be okay and it's like he knows it because he would always come back and try to and it happens all over again except this time.

Tuesday, June 7, 2022

Careful of the company you keep...


Sometimes you have to get out of your feelings to make decisions that are best for you. If you are in your feelings then you would be doing what your heart wants and not what is best for you. Having a big heart and wanting to help everyone can be crucial due to you personally cannot please everyone no matter how hard you try. You will end up wearing yourself down trying to be there for people who are partly or never there for you or do not even care at all. 

Some people are not your friends and will use you for things that you can do for them and not even bother helping you. I have been there, I have a heart of gold trying to help people and be there for people just because I know what it is like to not have any help and then they basically used me, manipulated me and so much more. They made it seem and feel like they are the only ones that was there for me, that no one else wanted to be there and then they turned around and left. I basically ended all contact with them and basically got rid of the toxic and worked on trying to heal myself. 

They make it so that you are only there for them and while they only want you there when they need you and then they wear you down, making it difficult to see and basically manipulating you so that you can keep doing what they want or need you to do by using any and everything they can. They will use what you have told them and basically use it against you jus to keep you there to say and say on the edge so that way they can have you all to themselves and it's just an toxic environment and it will end up causing problems. 

I was basically a listening ear, giving them tips, advice and always there when they needed a help up. I always basically put people first and always try to help them, give them love that they are needing all while they don't even bother to make sure I was okay.  I am currently working on myself and putting myself first instead of letting my heart get in the way and get broken or hurt. 

I was there through all the disrespect while being faithful and loyal and still trying to help them even through they used me as a door mat and walked over me and said hurtful things which I didn't let it get to me as much but it sure did hurt but I never showed it. 

I am doing what is best for me and not helping as many people and removing the negative people and those I outgrew out of my circle which was small to begin with and replacing them with people who are for me.

Outgrowing people is thinking differently and being on a different level and changing. You change the way you think and the way you do things while everyone around you stay the same. Once you start changing you can see how others change and see the difference. You can even talk to them about an idea and business plan and that allows you to see where they stand. Don't give up even if they tell you, "you won't make it." "It will fail." "It's not going to happen." Even if it doesn't make it and does fail at least you tried. Take that and grow from it. If you feel it isn't going the way you want it to then change it plan differently and plan accordingly.

But then again don't tell anyone your plan and never let them know your next move. They will only hate on it and try to use it for themselves. They will envy you regardless even if you make it because you are no longer there for their access for them to keep draining you and using you and keeping you where they want you. 

You can go with what your heart says but also go with what your brain says. If your heart does the thinking, it can cause so much on you to the point you won't do what is best you will end up still trying to help those and cater to those who basically will use you up and take everything from you including your energy. 

If you are tired of it, trust me I know you will eventually cause not everyone can keep dealing with it. You want to grow but it seems like you are stuck and by getting rid of the negative person in your life things around you will start changing and things will get better. Your mind set will be differently and it gets better. 

It will hurt for a little while but surrounding yourself with those who want to see you win and are there when you need them are the true meaning of friends. Those are the people you need in your life not someone who basically leeches your energy off of you to the point you are so drained you cannot do anything else and you are trying to change but can't. 

You have to cut them kinds of people off because they aren't helping you grow. They are basically making it so that you cannot grow into the person you want to be and staying around them will end up making you a cold hearted and heartless person and not want to help anyone else. So careful of the company keep since not all company is good company. 

Also if you are looking for love, the same rules apply. Don't just get with someone you have to be sure you can grow with them and they want to grow with you. Can't be in a one sided relationship expecting things to work cause it's not going to. A relationship takes two people to grow, put trust in and be able to talk to each other through it all and be there and if you are there but the other person isn't then its not a relationship.


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