It Amazes me : The new me

It amazes me at how a person believes they can do or say anything about you and when had enough, you decide to cut all contact and delete them and then when they try to come back, they expect you to still be there and they can still treat you all kinds of ways. 

See the old me would allow them to come back thinking that they did not mean to do it. The old me would allow them to continue to walk on me like a door mat but the new me does not allow it. I know my worth and my importance. I do not need anyone in my life that will cause me to question myself.

Especially if you throw off on me and talk about me and then block my numbers and expect me to be there and accept your friend request on Xbox when you deleted me because I asked you a question which is better S or X. 

It is funny how in todays world, you expect people to be there when you are bored and lonely and want people to play with you because "You do not like to play with randoms." but you tend to talk all kinds of bad things and make it seem like you're all big and bad when you are just a random dude that tries to be cool in his 40's and do nothing but drink, smoke weed and barely pay your child support because you are to busy balling and trying to trap people with your daughter because you are trying to find her a mom. 

The old me would go back trying to help this situation but it is hard to help someone who is still trying to live in their teenage years and two decades ago. 

The new me is telling me this is not my battle and you cannot help everyone especially someone who is just going to mooch off of you and pretty much take everything you have just because they have nothing for themselves but yet want you to feel bad. 

The new me has been through the riddles and tricks for far to long and has decided even though they knocked on that door, to not answer it. I learned not to answer all doors that are knocked on because I refuse to go down that old road or path.

 I refuse to allow old access and or connections that are just going to belittle me and talk about me and be jealous. The old me would feel bad but the new me is pushing it off and not opening up so easily. If they were meant to be in my life, first off they would not do what they did and secondly, the would still be here. 

I am finally healing and moving on past the things that use to hurt me or keep me. I am moving past trying to help people that want to use you because they have nothing better to do. 

Used

I use to feel bad for those I use to call friends. I would always try to by them a new game when I had the money out of the kindness of my heart so that they could play them since I already had them and they acted like they wanted it but then I realized, they were using me for the money and the games and I could of kept the money.

They never bought me anything but I always made sure to buy them something just so they would have something else to play. So I did it out of the kindness of my heart but it's like they called me names, they got mad at me for playing a game that I have and bought myself with my own money when they were playing games that they had or playing the games that I bought them saying yeah we will play them together but ended up beating it before I even get a chance to play it or half way done with it. They also got jealous when I played with others in which was not right and it was just to much and when I brought it up they said they were not and not doing this when everyone around me could tell they were.

I feel like I never have time for myself anymore because it is like I am being thrown in games or having to do things for others. I cannot even sit down and play games that I want to because they have games that they want to play with me and its to the point I just want to not play anything but I cannot do that because I don't want to hurt anyone but enough is enough and I am tired of it. I am thankful to have people to play with but I hate the fact they never take me and how I feel nor what I want to do inconsideration.