My emotions today

My emotions to day seems a little better than they have since I came home from the hospital. My pain is still here but I believe I am getting a little better one step at a time emotional wise. There maybe times where I can go back into the depression and emotional state but I'm trying so hard to keep it together. It is not easy to deal with all of this by yourself. It is not easy, you slowly destroy yourself and watch everything crash and burn and it feels like you've done all this stuff and that you deserve it all when you really haven't. It is tough trying to piece yourself together and hold it while pushing people away and wearing a fake smile while telling everyone its okay.At times it got worse and server to the point I felt like the worlds just passing me by, like I didn't matter and I was a nobody. It was so bad that it brought out everything all my emotions and depression that I had bottled up and it made it serve where I black out and don't remember anything that I've done or why I one it. My safe place was the bathroom. I ended up showering and not remember getting in it or out. My husband asked me if all these questions and kept asking them till I answered them. They all was about my mental state, my depression and feelings. Bonus for being married to a person whose had depression they know how to help you get through it and cope and you are not alone through it. Downside, it can be tough to deal with theirs and yours but you can try to get through it together.  That's how love and marriages work. You support each other through everything and work it out. Your not alone. There is a person right in front of you willing to help.