We sometimes did not have enough food on the table growing up and now that my grandmother and grandfather died, my dad has money.
It was not bad enough he asked my brother and I what we would do if he split it as if he was actually going to do so but no he did not. It was silly me thinking he would actually split it but no he kept it all to himself.
My father growing up, was not the person that he is today. He did not brag about buying new cars, this that the other things that he buys. The person that I knew did not act brand new because he got money.
He quit his main job, a job where he had benefits and went working for a farm and now he is trying to get back to his main job so he can have days off and benefits.
He already has over 7 cars in the yard. 2 cars do not run, the truck they had to replace the motor on, my mothers old car that he now takes and drive because his vehicle, messed up and he sold. My mothers car now that has some issues that is at the shop. They got a luxurious car because he did some work on a rich guy he knows and he gave it to him and pretty much my brother is getting my mothers car when it gets out of the shop but its a lot of favoritism here.
My vehicle needs some parts and some work but it doesn't matter. I am on my own.
I walk around like it does not bother me because of my babies and I don't want them to know how bad this hurts. I walk around like my childhood was the greatest when it does not exist. I am still healing my childhood and inner child with my kiddos. I am doing things with them that my parents did not do with me such as beach trips, and any other places we have never been too.
It has always been favoritism. My brother, when he graduated high school, my father allowed him to be put on his credit to get loans and go to college. I cannot even finish my degree because I don't have the funding but yet my brother got his degree and help that he needed. He told me no one is going on his credit to ruin his credit but yet my brother did not have a job could not pay it back in which I believe my dad ended up paying for it but yet I couldn't get $8,000 to finish mine.
Instead my mother was sneaking money around for her sister and got caught and got fussed at and then I needed to borrow money to finish paying for the house that I bought but yet I got on a payment plan with him and I have to pay it back while no one else is having to.
My brother growing up got to go with friends everywhere. He got to go to beach trips and mountain trips and other places while I never got to experience that. My brother got to go stay the night at friends house while I could never. I never got to go anywhere. The only place I have been was to the Zoo with a friend but that was it.
Also growing up, it was rocky. We hen we got in trouble, we were always getting whooped. It was never a talking to. It never felt like love growing up. It felt like a struggle. Now going over to my parents house it always feels like tension. Like something is wrong maybe it is. Maybe my mother is actually going to start standing up and seeing how my father is doing.
I don't know. I just know, its a rare occasion for me to bring my kids to see them. It's not like they don't know where I live. It's I always got go see them but they never come see me. It's I always got to try to catch them. Its never a phone call, a text or a check up. It a never bring the kids over and take a day or a moment.
