I am starting to feel like I have failed myself because I had so many ideas and goals and plans that never worked out along with I have no idea what I want to be in life and that is taking a toll on me being a 28 year old almost a 29 year old trying to figure out what I want to be and do with life but lately, I just feel like it is wasting away daily. I feel like my skills that I have learned along the way are going no where and the things I have done in life is also going no where.
I have 9+ years of affiliate marketing in which I kind of want to branch out and do something else because affiliate marketing is not an guarantee and you are sometimes just wasting your time trying to get sales on products that others are already promoting and people are not sure about and may or may not buy.
I feel like I am lost and not good enough. I feel like I am going in a circle trying to make things work or get the things that worked to work again and it is like that path is closed and not going anywhere but still accessible and I have no clue where to go next.
Some nights, I go to bed trying to figure out who and what I am suppose to be in this life and sometimes I end up in tears because I do not know and feel so unsure to the point I want to give up but something keeps pushing me to keep going.
My goals was to make people laugh, make them feel like they are not alone. I also enjoy video games and was like why not record them or stream them so people can watch and not be alone. I always enjoy trying to help people anyway I can.
I ended up having 4 different blogs that I use one is adult content, one is gaming content, one is this blog where I write and then the other one is a review blog for household products and more. My goal with these blogs was to help people find the things they were looking for or things that could help them along with reviewing products that I have used. Let me start by saying, I do not make anything from these blogs. The only thing I made something from was the adult content because I affiliate market adult toys that I review and that was it but that stopped after 2020 because of covid and no one decided to buy from me anymore. The rest of these, I affiliate market also but I do not get paid anything from it.
I also have social anxiety and other anxieties and disorders that makes it really hard for me to go out and get a normal job. It is like I am scared of the world and afraid and I have no idea where this came from so I decided to go with something that I did not have to interact with people on such as affiliate marketing and freelancing in which I still do at times.
I then decided you know what, I am up for a challenge and started streaming in which, it did not get me far either. I tried twitch in which we got affiliated but then people stop coming and it felt like another spiral of what did I do wrong? Why are there no viewers? What happened? and it was like I was blaming myself and questioning myself and making it seem like I was the reason for that in which I know I am not.
I then decided to help my husband out with Youtube but we never got monetized since we are only at 171 subscribers and it takes a lot of work trying to get content seen and get viewers to watch our videos and we kind of gave up with with trying to get monetized.
We then moved to Tiktok in which we are at 899 followers in which is really impressive because it keeps growing but again, it is slowly getting there and we are trying to get 1000 followers in which I am not sure if we even are going to make it.
I also stream and post my gaming content to rumble and I am trying to get 100 followers there in which I am at 64 which I never thought I would make it that far but I did but it is really hard to get followers there in my opinion and it is like no one really interacts with you in chat. They do watch but sometimes a little interaction goes a long way.
I wrote books on Amazon in which I sold a few old ones but never sold my newest ones and it kind of put me into a depressive state. I even marketed it and posted about it and gave details about it but it never went anywhere and I was suppose to write a third and 4th book to go with the chronicles in which I do work on it but what is the point when it isn't getting seen?
My happiness besides my family was photography. I enjoyed taking nature photos and was trying to sell them but I am not good enough for that. I don't really like editing my photos, I rather them unaltered but I ended up having to sell my camera to help pay for our home in hopes I could end up getting another one but with my health, it never happened but hopefully after surgery it will.
I don't mean to ramble but this is just how I am feeling lately and it is not a good feeling. I am just trying to figure out what to do and bring awareness to those that feels the same way that I do because this is not an easy feeling to go through alone and trust me, you are not alone.
Sometimes we just need to sit down and evaluate and write everything because eventually we will find the answers we are looking for.
